Where is Your Life Headed?

The way you think determines the daily course of your life. More importantly, it determines your course over the long haul. Character is built one day at a time, which means weak character can be strengthened as we make spiritual choices—and strong character can be weakened if we make unspiritual ones. “Little things mean a lot,” said an old song, and certainly this is true when it comes to the effects of our thinking and doing. What seems but a small, momentary decision can lead to consequences far beyond the moment, because each decision becomes a part of shaping our characters. A rifle aimed at a target two hundred yards away may be off the mark by only a very small amount at the ten-foot mark, but when the bullet covers the distance to the target, it may miss the bull’s-eye by a very wide margin. The importance of making righteous decisions consistently, without becoming careless, cannot be overstated. Your life will end up at the target toward which it is aimed now. So, when you get where you’re going, where will it be?

For many years, I have observed the truth of this principle in the lives of older people. Some are like the proverbial grandmother who brings cookies and milk with the sweetest of smiles. They are very warm, light-hearted, a real joy to be around. But honestly, just how many older people do you encounter who are like this? Not many, if your experience is anything like mine. You see, older people have reached the target at which they have been aiming for many years, as far as characters and attitudes go. The thinking that characterized their life has now reached its full bloom, be it kind or bitter. When you get where you’re going, where will you be?

Keeping our minds focused on the positive and spiritual is not easy. But with God’s help, we can learn to do it. Paul provides us with an amazing example of seeing the hand of God in everything, every day. Even while chained to prison guards, he was almost beside himself with joy-filled thinking. A cursory reading of Philippians demonstrates this clearly. One of my favorite passages in this little happy letter is in chapter 4:4ff. “Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything…” Here, God tells us to rejoice, which means (1) that the decision is ours, and (2) we can do it. Paul is essentially saying, “Just loosen up, and trust that God is near and in control of life’s circumstances.” Refuse to allow the practical atheism of anxiety to control your thinking. Instead, pour out your hearts in prayer to God, bathing your heart in gratitude. Remember that the key to the future is the past; for if God has protected and provided in the past, surely he will not neglect to do so in the future. As an older man now, I appreciate more than ever the observation of David in Psalm 37:25. “I was young and now I am old, yet I have never seen the righteous forsaken or their children begging bread.”

Our Philippian passage goes on to promise us that God’s peace becomes better felt than told when we have this trust in our hearts. Just keep your mind engaged with the positives of loving and serving God and others, and imitate those who have learned these lessons. Then the God of peace will be with you in life and death, for time and for eternity, during the moments of mountaintop exhilaration and also during the valley-low moments of heartache.

When you get where you’re going, where will you be? It all depends on the path your thinking is taking you on, day by day, month by month, year by year. Before you know it, we will all be standing before God, giving an account of how we lived our brief lives here on earth. How we feel then will be determined by how we feel now—and all feeling is a result of your thinking and doing, every day in every way.

You and I are aimed at a target right now, and we will all reach it sooner than we imagine. “Therefore, prepare your minds for action; be self-controlled; set your hope fully in the grace to be given you when Jesus Christ is revealed” (1 Peter 1:13). The power of spiritual thinking: a life lived for God in time and a soul with its Maker in eternity. Don’t miss it!

Gratitude: a Matter of Focus

Have you ever noticed children who were happily playing until they noticed the one toy that they didn’t have being played with by another child? Suddenly their joy fades, and they become totally focused on the toy that the other kid has. They probably have dozens of better toys, but their selfish natures kick into high gear when their focus is off kilter. Of course, none of us adults would ever be guilty of forgetting dozens of blessings while we rue the lack of one other blessing which is not ours! King Ahab of the Old Testament was a man whose selfish, greedy character will convict of us the sin of ingratitude.

Ahab, a king of Israel during the period of the divided kingdom, was a self-serving man. His selfishness evidenced itself in many ways, including his marriage to Jezebel, the wicked worshiper of foreign gods. No greater example of his self-serving heart can be found than in his encounter with Naboth. “So Ahab went home, sullen and angry because Naboth the Jezreelite had said, ‘I will not give you the inheritance of my fathers.’ He lay on his bed sulking and refused to eat” (1 Kings 21:4). Naboth, although a poor man, owned a little vineyard near the palace of Ahab. In spite of his vast land holdings, Ahab felt that he just had to have this little vineyard, for it would be a convenient place to raise his vegetables. The problem was that Naboth had received the land as an inheritance, and God’s  decree was that families retain such inheritances in the families for the use of future generations. For Naboth, it was a matter of divine principle, so he turned down the King’s offer to purchase the land.

Ahab was so filled with anger that he lost his appetite and lay sulking on his bed, acting just like a spoiled kid. His wife came in and found him in this condition and taunted him a bit: “What’s the matter, big boy? Someone steal one of your toys?” He whined out the story about not being able to have what he wanted, and Jezebel hatched up the devilish plot to falsely accuse Naboth and have him executed. Not only did they have him falsely accused and murdered, but they also had his sons killed so they could not inherit the land. No wonder God’s estimation of Ahab was so bleak: “There was never a man like Ahab, who sold himself to do evil in the eyes of the Lord, urged on by Jezebel his wife” (1 Kings 21:25).

The truth is that like Ahab, we all wish we could attain items that we don’t have. We all have things about ourselves and our situations that we wish were different. In fact, we probably would like to have something different about almost everything, for this life is not characterized by perfection. But in the process of focusing on what we wish was different, we lose the joy of all that is good in our lives. When our focus is on “what if…” or “if only I had…” we are not going to be the kind of person who will attract others to Jesus.

Being content is a decision, as is being happy generally. Visiting extremely poor countries and watching the children at play convinces me that life’s circumstances are not the greatest determining factor in happiness; it is our focus. Little children may have only sticks to play with, but they are laughing and having fun. Jesus said that we must become like little children in order to go to heaven (Matthew 18:3), which means that we have to decide that life is good in spite of bad things which are part of it. If Christ indeed is our life (Colossians 3:4), then, “…neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height or depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord” (Romans 8:38-39). Lift up your eyes to heaven and start seeing God as he is and your life through his perspective. Then, and only then, can you be joyful and thankful in all circumstances of life.

Why do we lose our gratitude so easily? Several reasons come to mind rather quickly. One, we often have a shallow grasp of our own sinfulness. A good study of Romans 1-3 should help us deepen our convictions about the magnitude of our sin. Here, Paul is the Spirit’s tool to convict us of sin. When I teach these three chapters, I entitle them, “the best of us is a mess.” We really are in a mess compared to Jesus. The more we see Jesus as he is and ourselves as we are, the more we are going to be grateful that God has reached down in mercy to each one of us.

Two, we are plagued with abysmally short memories. In 2 Peter 1, the apostle reminds us that a real understanding of God’s grace should move us to be growing continually. Peter views a failure to respond in this way as quite unnatural, no matter how common it may be: “he is nearsighted and blind, and has forgotten that he has been cleansed from his past sins” (2 Peter 1:9). The old adage “familiarity breeds contempt” is often true, even when the familiarity is with our Creator.

Three, ingratitude may simply trace back to a sinful heart that blocks the understanding—and therefore the appreciation—of spiritual realities. I remember times when I dealt with sin in my heart in a radical way. After such times my spiritual heart seems soft and sensitive, and the tears of appreciation flow easily. Thinking back to those moving experiences makes me marvel at how quickly the tenderness of heart can fade.

Four, a self-focused life certainly results in little thankfulness. My childhood years contributed to my self-focus. Although I was raised in a very blue-collar setting, without an abundance of money, we were comfortable, and I was given much of what as I asked for. In less kindly terms, I was spoiled (hopefully not permanently!). As a result, I characteristically respond to events in my life in a selfish way. When things go well for me, I think,“Fine, that’s the way it should be.” When things don’t go well for me, I react internally by thinking, “What is going on here? I am Gordon B. Ferguson, Jr. This shouldn’t be happening to me!” When I allow my sinful nature to lead me in this direction, I respond to blessings without much thankfulness and to challenges without much grace. Prayerfully, I have made lots of progress in changing these tendencies, but I must guard against them to avoid being an ingrate.

Five, a suspect picture of God is one of the more serious, yet subtle, culprits behind ingratitude. We develop our view of God from the most important authority figures in our lives, normally our fathers. If our fathers were beneficent, leaning towards permissiveness with us, we are likely to take God’s goodness for granted. If our fathers were distant or harsh, we are likely to view God the same way. And if we see him as impersonal, uncaring or demanding, we will misinterpret life’s blessing and challenges, remaining unaware of the bounty of grace. The reality of who he is and what he does can be missed almost entirely. If we are like the one-talent man in Matthew 25, we will see him as a “hard” man (verse 24). If we are like the older brother in the Parable of the Lost Son, we will see him as the Father who has done absolutely nothing for us (Luke 15:29). Astounding!

 For gratitude to be a principle part of our lives, a continual study of God’s Word is vital, and especially Romans 1-3. Whatever the cause of ingratitude, the cure is in taking the time to figure out life as God designed it to be, rather than life as Satan wants us to see it. Then the message will not be how soon we forget, but how often and deeply we remember the overwhelming goodness and grace of our God. It really is a matter of focus!

Escaping the Performance Trap

“But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” – 2 Corinthians 12:9-10

I have a book by Donald Seamands titled Escaping the Performance Trap. The book was originally entitled Healing Grace, later changed to the performance motif. Actually both titles work well, for unless you really understand and appropriate God’s grace, you cannot escape one of the least understood and most damaging tools of Satan.

Our world is steeped in the performance mentality, and probably most of us have been greatly affected by it. At the outset, it is important to note that performing well is not a negative thing. In fact, much about striving for excellence is, well, excellent! Who wants to fail when success can be attained and enjoyed? Who does not want to improve as much as possible at any endeavor undertaken? As the old saying goes, “If its worth doing, it’s worth doing right.” The performance trap we are describing has to do with what might be described as perfectionism. Those with perfectionist tendencies are not often satisfied. As a result, they often feel that they are not measuring up to their self-defined standards. And they normally inflict these anxieties onto others, especially family members.

Associated with the sense of failure is an accompanying sense of guilt. The term “neurotic guilt” is sometimes used in this connection, meaning that the guilt is not from a sin before God, but imagined guilt or self-inflicted guilt. Frankly, it is a malady that plagues a measurable segment of the population—and not a few disciples. In the spiritual realm, we speak of those with “accused consciences,” meaning that they often feel guilty about this failure to live up to their own idealistic standards of what they should have been and done. Religious people often struggle with these feelings, because it is not always easy to balance the Biblical call to do our best with the reality of our human frailty. Sin means literally “to miss the mark,” and who of us does not miss the mark regularly and repeatedly? Surely we must learn to understand God’s grace in order to be healed from our perfectionist tendencies and the ever-present sense of not measuring up. Guilt-ridden people are not joyful people, and frankly, they are poor advertisements for God’s kingdom.

Where does this performance mentality come from? For many, it starts with noble intentions. We want to do our best, and certainly nobody can fault that. But when we begin to mix in pride, the road of life takes a wrong turn. We then enjoy the attention and praise that come from being outstanding, and achievement becomes a way to feel good about ourselves. Parental pride causes us to transfer this tendency to our children, and we want them to be high achievers—both for their sakes and for ours. The rub comes when excellence in doing takes precedence over excellence in being. Building character is far more important than amassing athletic records and topping out SAT scores. The children whose parents set unrealistic standards for them will begin packing and carrying around emotional baggage. If they are made to feel that no matter how well they do, they could have (should have) done even better, they are headed toward emotional damage and danger. The issue is subtle, however, because working hard is a part of building character. The problem is in how important performance becomes to us and the kind of sacrifices we are willing to make for outstanding accomplishments.

Understanding our drive for success is paramount if we are to avoid emotional confusion, frustration and pain. One of the most helpful insights about the performance mode lies in grasping its connection with self-esteem. All of us develop insecurities in our lives—about our looks, our athletic or intellectual abilities, our family backgrounds, or any one of a dozen things. Rejection, or fear of rejection, is at the root of most of our insecurities. The stronger the sense of rejection, the greater the insecurities. And to make matters worse, rejection comes in many forms, some obvious and some quite subtle.

So what do we do with these insecurities? Usually we go in one of two directions: we either pull back and risk little, hoping to avoid further failure with its sense  of rejection, or we determine to prove ourselves through performance. Since we do not feel good about ourselves, we try to impress others into thinking well of us, believing that this will help us feel better. It is a vicious cycle in the end, and by midlife, we feel the crisis coming on. I decided years ago that midlife crises occur when we can no longer find the resolve to hold up our performance masks. We let them down and the real us comes out. Truthfully, much of our drive to succeed comes from this source of low self-esteem.

As a teen, some described me as having a superiority complex. The term is a misnomer, for no such complex exists. It is a cover-up for insecurities. It took me years to find the courage to peel away the mask and start being honest with who I was inside and how I felt about myself. In the interim, I looked for endeavors in which I could not only be successful, but be the best. Much of our competitiveness comes from this source. As much as I always loved sports, I was mediocre in them. I moved into the music realm, where I could be really outstanding. Of course, it is not wrong to migrate toward what we do best, but the reason for the migration may well be wrong. In my case it was prideful insecurities and a desire to prove myself. People who only talk about their successes in their lives are on this track, and the extent to which they avoid emotional vulnerability is a good measure of the extent of their insecurities.

The perfection-oriented person tries to conceal insecurities by building a superimage of himself (or herself). He projects his strong points into this image, raised to their highest power, and eliminates his weaker points. He constantly emphasizes the strong points and resists all attempts of others to mention the weak ones. He may or may not seem defensive in dodging critiques, but dodge he will. He clings tenaciously to the projected image in an effort to earn adoration from others and therefore feel good about himself. The fallacy of the whole system is that it is not really respect that we want. What we really want is love and acceptance. But we set ourselves up to block receiving what we need by trying to convince others that we are awesome. Now here is the kicker: Real love by Biblical definition is unconditional. To be loved, our negative points must be graciously accepted by others, not just our positive points. Therefore, unless we are open about our shortcomings, we will never really feel loved! This is an important point, without which we cannot progress as human beings and certainly not as disciples of Jesus. No wonder Paul was so open about his sins and weaknesses.

Paul as a Pharisee was a performer par excellence (Philippians 3:4-6). He was as works oriented as anyone could be. His drive for success made him perhaps the top student of Gamaliel, the most revered rabbi in Israel (Acts 22:3). His standard for life was set very high. He lived up to it in remarkable ways, but he trusted in his performance as a basis for a right standing with God. Such a mentality prompted writings like Romans and Galatians. No excellence of performance is going to earn a relationship with God. He knows all our sins, including the heart sins and the secret sins. God cannot be duped by our super-images, and sooner or later we will be exposed. We can play the ostrich, sticking our heads in the sand and denying the bad stuff in us, but all the while, others are observing everything else sticking out! It is time to get real with ourselves and others. Paul the Christian was not looking for love in all the wrong places (in performance). He opened up his life and heart and invited others in and expected them to do the same (2 Corinthians 6:11-13).

God’s ways are usually about 180 degrees opposite of man’s way. The worldly approach is to tell all the positive things about ourselves and to hide the negative. After we brag on ourselves in this way, we have only a gnawing, hollow feeling left. God says to keep all of the good stuff to ourselves and to confess all of the negative. At the end of this process, we are left with a warm and fuzzy feeling, knowing that God sees the good and will reward us for it, while people will see the bad and extend unconditional love to us. What could be better?

Learning to pull back the curtain on our hearts is an arduous and painful process. Nonethess, the more we are open about our sins and weaknesses, the more people will appreciate and respect us. People realize the difficulty of real transparency, and when we are opening wide our hearts to them, they are drawn to us like a magnet.

I appreciate the encouragement I receive from people regarding my leadership skills, or writing gifts, and I am grateful to God for the opportunities to use them. Recognition and respect are good, as long as we realize that all good things come from God and not from us. But what I appreciate most are simply open and sincere expressions of love, not for what I have done, but for who I want to be for God and others.

I will not say that I have escaped totally from the performance trap, for it has steel jaws at times, but I will say that I understand it intellectually. Further, I will also say that I am happiest when I emotionally grasp the truth of the gospel and relax enough to accept the love from God and others that I so much need. Won’t you join me?