Aging and death are realities of life on planet earth, and those realities are viewed by virtually all of us as negative, usually very negative. From the perspective of 1 Corinthians 15:26, death is the last enemy to be destroyed at the general resurrection of the dead. The term “enemy” pretty well sums up how we view death, right? Aging is a necessary part of the process that culminates in death. We humans don’t enjoy aging with its attendant strains and pains, and we don’t enjoy thinking about our demise. Those are facts. Yet, is there another perspective that can change how we view those facts, making them seem less negative for sure and possibly even positive? That’s a very good question to ponder, don’t you think?
In 2016, Jeanie Shaw served as an author and editor of an amazing book entitled “An Aging Grace.” Using a number of older authors, important topics related to aging are covered in very biblical and practical ways. Younger people should read the book to help them deal with their older friends and relatives, and older people should read it to help prepare themselves for the inevitabilities coming their way. In my opinion, this book should be a “must-read” for all followers of Christ.
I wrote two chapters for the book and in the first of these, here were two sentences describing my initial reaction to the request to write them. “Jeanie Shaw, whose brainchild this book is, asked me to write two chapters: one about getting old and the other about dying. (She says the topic was “heaven,” but I heard “dying.”)… My initial reaction was “What? Why me? How did I get those two articles anyway? I hate getting old and I’m afraid to die!” I think the chapters ended up being good ones and it helped me to write them. But I have continued to think about aging and death as a person now in my upper 70’s. This present article describes my most profound thoughts on the subject at this point in my life.
Our Attachment to the Physical
We are attached to this physical world and we are attached because God made us to be. We were created to enjoy life on this earth. It offers amazing possibilities – some amazingly bad and some amazingly good. David described the good part in this way:
Psalm 34:11-14
Come, my children, listen to me; I will teach you the fear of the LORD. 12 Whoever of you loves life and desires to see many good days, 13 keep your tongue from evil and your lips from telling lies. 4 Turn from evil and do good; seek peace and pursue it.”
Peter quoted this passage in 1 Peter 3:10-12. Loving life in this physical body and desiring to see good days, many of them, is not wrong. In fact, it would be wrong to feel otherwise. James said that “every good and perfect gift is from above” (James 1:17) and that includes life in this physical world. That is why we should give thanks for every one of those good gifts that we enjoy while in this body. One of those obvious delights is food, created for our enjoyment and thanksgiving (1 Timothy 4:3-5), just like all other physical things that we call good.
Further, God made us to want to remain alive as long as possible. The Bible is full of examples showing that his righteous people fought hard to remain alive. Finding anyone who wanted to die at the moment is nearly impossible to do. Those who can be found were looking for an escape from intense suffering, although Paul seemed to be an exception in Philippians 1:21-23. But a closer examination of that context shows that although he knew death was better because he could be with Christ, he went on to say that he wanted to remain alive in order to fulfil his purpose of helping others. Add to that the fact that he had seen both a resurrected Jesus and the spiritual world beyond (2 Corinthians 12:1-7). He thus was given a perspective that we have to work hard to develop and then keep – by faith, not sight.
Paul knew that his purpose was to use his life to help others know and love God. Life on earth is a preparation for heaven, and finding purpose is a large part of that preparation. Discovering the answers to the biggest questions in life is a part of the process. Three of the biggest questions are these: where did I come from; where am I going; and what am I doing here? Humans instinctively search for the answers to these questions because of our very nature. We are made in the image of God and this makes our searches for meaning inevitable, because they actually comprise our search for him.
He wants us to search for our origin, which is him. He wants us to search for our destiny, which is with him. He wants us to search for our purpose, because it is our way of having fellowship with him in his mission for saving the people on this earth. Having a purpose of representing him to those people means that we want to live and not die until he knows that our purpose has been fulfilled. Acts 13:36 nails it: “Now when David had served God’s purpose in his own generation, he fell asleep…” Thus, wanting to stay alive and enjoy life is our designed nature. It is not necessarily a sign of being unspiritual or too attached to this world (although it can be).
That being said, a part of the right mixture is the anticipation of heaven and an “other-worldly” absence of the fear of death. Before Christ’s death and resurrection, even spiritual people in the Old Testament era were “held in slavery by their fear of death” for their entire lives (Hebrews 4:14-15). We should now view life and death differently than those who lived before the cross. Picture it this way – imagine a person who loves their job and has a very strong assurance of job security. Although they look forward and anticipate their retirement greatly, they put their heart into their job on a daily basis and do it excellently. The faith-filled disciple of Jesus is very similar in how they view life, their purpose in it and their future. They are comfortable both with the present and comfortable anticipating the future, including death. They are in all ways quite like the child described in Psalm 131:2: “But I have calmed and quieted myself, I am like a weaned child with its mother; like a weaned child I am content.” Such a person ideally accepts both aging and death with peace and not with fear or mere perseverance with gritted teeth. But just how do we reach that ideal?
The Worst Story Ever Told
We reach it by really grasping the big picture, the biggest possible, as fully as is humanly possible – the greatest story ever told. Just what do you think is the great story ever told? Common answers are good but often incomplete, such as God’s love or Jesus on the cross bearing our sins, and other variations or additions to these two. The biggest picture goes much deeper and must start at the dawn of creation.
Adam and Eve were created perfect in just about every way, and they were certainly sinless. Once sin entered the world, a slowly developing whirlpool for humanity had begun and there was no stopping it. The rate of its swirling might have seemed to have paused at times in history, but not for long. Ultimately, it would pick up speed and pull every human being into its deadly vortex. The consequences of sin are many, but death is at the center – both spiritual death (separation from God) and physical death (separation from our own bodies). Once banned from the Garden that housed the Tree of Life, the original pair began to age and head toward physical death, and that sentence of death had to include all humans from that point forward (Genesis 3:22-24). We each die spiritually because of our own sins, but we die physically because of that first sin in the Garden and banishment from its Tree of Life.
The Greatest Story Ever Told
God by his nature is both all-knowing and timeless. He sees what we call time all at once – past, present and future. Before he created the world with humans as its apex, he knew exactly what was going to happen. He knew what the pain of rebellion was going to do to mankind and do to him. His plan was clearly in place long before it was implemented. That plan was destined to become the greatest story ever told. The Creator was going to take the form of a creature in order to die and save his creatures for eternity. Who could ever have imagined such a story?
It is true that other religions have mythology that includes gods taking human forms, as shown in Acts 14:8-18, but no other religion would dare imagine that a god would die for his sinful, rebellious creatures. All religions have this in common: they teach that we should be good and do good. Christianity is totally unique in teaching that we cannot do this without Divine intervention enabling us to do it, and that intervention began with God becoming human to die for all of the sins of all humans of all time. Mind-boggling! Unbelievable! The greatest story ever imagined and the greatest story ever told!
Christianity is absolutely unique. That uniqueness explains why these two statements are true of Christ’s religion and true only of his religion:
“Jesus answered, ‘I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me’” (John 14:6).
“Salvation is found in no one else, for there is no other name under heaven given to mankind by which we must be saved” (Acts 4:12).
Once a group of theologians were discussing world religions and the question of whether Christianity was unique, and if so, why? C.S. Lewis, famous author and teacher of the last century, entered the group’s discussion late. Upon hearing the topic, he stated quickly that that the answer was simple: grace! The idea of grace is amazing, as the popular song puts it, but beyond amazing when you consider what made saving grace possible – God becoming man and dying for his creation that grace might abound! It was the only answer for the dilemma of sin and God knew it and did it.
Embracing the Near-Inconceivable!
Once I started grasping this big picture more fully, I would no longer want to eliminate my aging and death even if I somehow could. How could I possibly desire to rob the world of the greatest story ever told, which was the only way to save humanity spiritually? I believe I am now looking at that process differently than when I wrote those words in the book I mentioned back in 2016, saying that I hated aging and was afraid to die. I keep applying myself to understanding my purpose in this last part of life. I must still be alive for a reason. God is not yet done with me. A part of that reason is for me to keep trying to better understand and explain to others how to embrace life’s “end game” and all that it brings to us and to our friends and family whom we leave behind.
I have a deeper sense of peace about life’s final chapter, a sense that I could often best describe as a peace that “transcends all understanding” (Philippians 4:7). In this article, I have tried to explain what simply must be considered the greatest story ever told. I pray that it helps your understanding of why aging and death are to be embraced, even joyfully. God knows that we need to help each other through that portal into an eternity that is quite literally inconceivable until we enter into it. The famous Christian song says, “I can only imagine,” but actually, you cannot. The Great Beyond is quite greatly beyond our wildest imagination. Near the end of the Aging Grace book, I wrote these words, providing an apt way to close this article:
Life in the womb of this earth is sometimes comfortable and peaceful, and the thought of leaving it might still be a bit scary. But let’s allow it to be scary in the same way that astronauts must feel as the flames of rocket fuel start pushing them into a world they have heretofore only imagined.
With that, I close. I’ll see you there, maybe soon!
1 Peter 5:7 – “Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.”
In this verse, Peter gives us a command, one that is absolutely essential for spiritual and emotional health. But he doesn’t tell us exactly how to do it. No doubt some approach comes to your mind as you read the verse, but more might be involved than would immediately register with you. This article describes in detail an approach that has proved invaluable to me in my decades-old walk with God. Read it and see if it can be helpful to you.
Journaling – what exactly is that? Here is the first definition found when Googling the term: “Journaling generally involves the practice of keeping a diary or journal that explores thoughts and feelings surrounding the events of your life.” As you look further at those online entries, you will find many emotional health experts describing the benefits of journaling. You will also find that a number of famous people practiced journaling as an important part of their lives. David writing his Psalms would be a familiar example. So, clearly journaling is something good and perhaps very important to us humans. But as the title suggests, doing it with God is a higher level, raising something good to something great. In this article, I want to share examples of journaling that have blessed my life and at times, helped me climb out of a deep pit spiritually and emotionally.
A Resistant Learner
My wife has journaled with God for decades, writing out her prayers on a daily basis. I resisted following her example for years, believing that I was more in touch with my emotions than she is and that prayer walks were quite sufficient to unload my burdens to God and find his solutions and directions. But eventually, my life became more complicated and the burdens overwhelming. On one memorable occasion, Theresa and I got into a spat that wasn’t pretty, and it was mostly me (nearly all me, to be totally honest). It was on day one of a three-day marriage getaway. She kept asking what was wrong with me and I honestly didn’t know. The next morning a long prayer walk didn’t put me in touch with what was eating at me, nor did the one the next day. I had two bad days, and I’m sure she must have had the same, having to put up with me.
The third day as we returned home, the first part of the trip was on a ferry from Nantucket to Cape Cod. For the two plus hours on the boat, I was typing on my laptop almost feverishly, pouring out my pain to God. That was one intense introduction to serious journaling with God. I discovered that journaling exposed my heart and soul like nothing else. We can be full of disturbing feelings and not be able to identify them, feeling terrible and not really knowing why. Times like this occur when too many different disturbances in our personal universe are crammed in together. Praying about them or talking to others about them is helpful, for it distills them down to about the size of our mouths. Writing about them (think pen and paper) distills them down to the size of a pen point. Then the minute details start to emerge, and we begin to see the issues much more clearly.
That particular day, now many years ago, I discovered the main areas of my burdens. I not only listed the areas; I gave each one a percentage of the total burden I was feeling. Something about getting it all written down and evaluating it started freeing me up and giving me hope. There was light at the end of the tunnel after all! As I prayed, God started helping me see answers to each of those five areas. My world righted itself and my wife’s better husband returned! That husband discovered that his wife’s approach to journaling was a hidden treasure that would bless him for years to come. It was a memorable boat ride and the start of my journaling with God. The truth is that I am more in touch with my emotions than my wife is and most of the time my prayer walks do accomplish what I need with God. But there are times that the victory of surrender simply will not occur without journaling with God.
The Latest Version
Let me skip to my last such victory, a very recent one. I discovered a somewhat new approach that really helped. It may help you. This year (2019) has been a difficult one for me, and for us as a couple. Although our marriage is doing quite well, other aspects of life have been seriously challenging, to the point of me becoming overwhelmed (again). Thankfully, Theresa and I almost always remain very united in facing challenges and we have this year as well. I won’t share those challenges in any detail but suffice it to say that I desperately needed a victory of surrender.
I started my trek in that direction by setting aside an open-ended period of time to write at my computer. After listing a number of my burdens with which I was in touch, it became obvious that they all fit into five total categories. They were: personal concerns; family concerns; friends concerns; church concerns; and world concerns (especially those in my home country, our current society). I ended up with quite a number of entries in each of these categories. Like Abraham, I had to face the truth before I could “faith” it. For the next two days, I re-read what I had written and added to it. I didn’t want to leave any burden hidden in the deep recesses of my heart.
On the fourth day, I highlighted everything in each category and hit the delete key. I was ready to surrender it to God, to “Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you” (1 Peter 5:7). However, I left the category headings in place. For the next two days, I listed the most significant items under each category again that came to mind, a much smaller number than on the earlier list. Then I hit the delete button again. The next day (day 6 in the process), I found things to be thankful for in each of the five categories and listed them – the light at the end of the tunnel! I did the same on day 7. The following morning, I awoke with a feeling of complete peace and gratitude.
Receiving and Giving Back
Perhaps you are thinking, “Wow, Gordon, that’s a long process and a lot of work!” Yes, but well worth it. You may be built differently than me and maybe you don’t get as clogged up emotionally as I do. Good on you if that’s true of you, in which case your journaling can follow a shorter route (as mine does most of the time). But I know people well enough to know that many are like me – worriers who want to fix everything wrong with themselves, others and the world in general. My shorter prayer list has well over 100 individuals on it and my longer one far more than that. When I add too many personal issues to those concerns for others, it can reach the point of my being overwhelmed, especially if I am not processing my burdens effectively and consistently on pretty much a daily basis. Life does tumble in and too much of it tumbling in at once drives me to the kind of journaling process I have described.
Interestingly, this recent experience came at an important time. God is in control, always. We had scheduled some extended time (days) with a couple who is very near and dear to us. They came at a time when they were facing a similar place in their lives that I had just worked through – that overwhelmed stage. Our first time together provided the opportunity to not only listen as they shared many of their burdens but to share this approach I had just used in working through my burdens to yet another victory of surrender. Although the thought of writing down the details of painful experiences was not a positive one initially, the brother did what I recommended. I believe the writing, combined with much talking, was both cathartic and provided directions for further healing.
God is amazing – he allows us to experience hard times for at least two big reasons. One, to fight for our own spirituality and to grow though that fight. No pain, no gain. Two, to then share with others our challenges and how we found answers. We get help and we give help as a part of what the New Testament describes as “One Another Christianity.” For me, journaling with God is an essential part of his brand of Christianity. Although sharing my burdens with others is always an essential part of the process, sometimes only deep journaling with God will enable me to completely offload those burdens. I suspect the same is true for most of us.
“You unbelieving and perverse generation”, Jesus replied, “how long shall I stay with you? How long will I put up with you?” – Matthew 17: 17
Addressed to Jesus’ disciples who had been following him and listening to him, Jesus expressed frustration that they were missing something important, specifically who Jesus was and faith in his power to heal. In a later private moment (verses 19-21), Jesus explains that the disciples simply lacked faith. Something was missing, and they were slow to understand.
Sometimes I carry with me a nagging sense that I am missing something. It’s almost like I don’t have my keys, phone, or wallet, but it is deeper and spiritual.
The root of this nagging is that I am aware that I am filled with biases and prejudices. I have grown up and lived in an upper middle-class family in the United States. My economic “normal” is not normal to either most of the world nor the setting of the New Testament scriptures. I am also a privileged white man, having been able to attend excellent universities and learn to read, write, think, and work using my mind. I have not experienced class, gender or race discrimination nor have I had to wear out my body with hard labor. I am healthy, spared from disability and major health challenges (so far). In lifestyle alone, I am out of touch with 99% of the real world and the audience of Jesus’ teaching and the early church.
Additionally, I am shaped by my parents, my upbringing, and my personality. I have bents and prejudices, often struggling to relate to and “get” people who are different than me.
Consequently, I fear that when I read scripture I often practice eisegesis, that is, reading into the text my upper middle class, western views, and my introverted, perfectionist personality. There are a lot of ways to get it wrong, miss the point, and simply lack faith. What is one to do?
“And what does the Lord require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God.” – Micah 6:8
Using Micah 6:8 as my guide, and speaking first to myself, I propose the following:
- Act Justly
“For the Lord your God is God of gods and Lord of lords, the great God, mighty and awesome, who shows no partiality and accepts no bribes. He defends the cause of the fatherless and the widow, and loves the foreigner residing among you, giving them food and clothing. And you are to love those who are foreigners, for you yourselves were foreigners in Egypt.” – Deuteronomy 10:17-19
There are several biblical teachings that are very clear: sin, repentance, forgiveness, discipleship, and evangelism. We find unity in these. There are also other very clear biblical teachings about how we should act and interact with others, specific to the imperative of Micah 6:8 to act justly. In sum, it requires compassion and others-centeredness.
In the Old Testament, acting justly primarily referred to concern and care for widows, orphans, foreigners, and the poor (Deuteronomy 10:17-19 above, Psalms 68:4-5, and many others). In the New Testament, the dominant example is the Good Samaritan (Luke 10). Today, acting justly can be extended to those who are needy, suffer persecution, prejudice, and injustice. And it can be further applied to those who suffer physically, emotionally and spiritually.
Spiritually, acting justly is having eyes of compassion to see the need of others to learn and feel the love of God and to experience his kindness and grace. So many people live tortured lives, ravaged by guilt and all the unhealthy ways of masking it. It requires getting beyond myself and mere appearances to have the eyes of Jesus when he saw the crowds as harassed and helpless, and then engage all the messiness to love them and show them Jesus.
Acting justly requires compassion and others-centeredness, antidotes to the greed, comfort, and selfishness with which I struggle. My wife, Maureen, and I have adopted a child and cared for aging parents, with my dad living with us his last three years. Additionally, we strive (quite imperfectly) to live a lifestyle focused on discipleship and evangelism, desiring to love and serve others. While Maureen is an evangelistic extrovert and a natural Good Samaritan, I am not. For me it takes intentionality, self-denial, and the decision to experience emotional and mental discomfort. But it helps me to “get” people who are different from me. I am a work in progress but striving to act justly gets me beyond myself and enables me to both better read, interpret, and practice scripture and to be more compassionate. I want to be and do better.
- Love Mercy
“If I speak in the tongue of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing.
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails.” – 1 Corinthians 13: 1-8
To love mercy is multifaceted, and my scholarly friends can do more with this, but for me it encompasses a disposition of love and forgiveness.
One way I have sinned and have observed others sin is to propagate a strength of conviction with pride and anger. As important as it is to be rooted in God’s word, hold to Jesus’ teachings, and to defend the gospel, my disposition should be one of love and forgiveness. I think of Jesus’ tenderness and clarity with the woman caught in adultery (John 8), and his amazing words on the cross of “Father, forgive them for they do not know what they are doing” (Luke 23:34).
I think that 1 Corinthians 13:1-8 is a major text that I can fail to understand and live. I am so self-centered and performance-oriented that I can value outcomes and my reputation over godly behavior and a spiritual disposition. I judge by mere appearances and deem that others do also, valuing personality, talent, powers of persuasion, and results over a character of love and forgiveness. I can judge myself this way, and others as well.
Ego and self-promotion, resentment and bitterness, anger and fear can all dominate my disposition and affect how I read, interpret, and practice scripture. I simply miss the example of Jesus and the most excellent way.
- Walk Humbly with Your God
“The greatest among you will be your servant. For those who exalt themselves will be humbled, and those who humble themselves will be exalted.” – Matthew 23:11-12
Acting justly is a lifestyle and is what I do, loving mercy is how I am, but walking humbly with my God is at the core of who I am. When I see God for who he is, and me for who I am, I am better able to read, interpret, and practice scripture. I am humble, grateful, teachable, persuadable, and ever aware of my sin and need to learn and grow.
Humility is beating my chest and acknowledging my (often hidden) sin and not looking down in judgment on others with obvious sins. Humility is a willingness to learn and be persuaded. Humility is avoiding name calling and the marginalizing of those with whom I disagree and finding ways to learn from them. Humility is saying “I don’t know” when I don’t. The older I get the more I realize that there are many issues, even biblical ones, where I am just not sure. There is mixed evidence and room for differing opinions. As I wrote above, in the major issues, I am clear on what the Bible says, but even then, I submit to God as the ultimate judge.
In the months and years ahead, we will grapple with a myriad of issues like leadership structure and function, gender roles, evolving to reach the next generation, and other issues yet to surface. We will struggle to understand God’s word in its setting and culture and then how to apply it faithfully today in our setting and culture. I propose that first we must act justly, love mercy, and walk humbly with our God. Then we will have meaningful dialogue within lifestyles of service, dispositions of love and forgiveness, and strong, spiritual walks with our God, manifesting in a deep humility.
Service, love, forgiveness, and humility: in that milieu God can use us as his noble vessels and show us to the world as disciples of Jesus by the love we have for each other. Less will be missing and we can better “get” God, his word, and others.
The current conversations about using women in public worship are timely for sure. I personally do not think this is overdue, for I believe that any alteration in long-held practices is best rolled out slowly in the interest of unity so everyone can have time to assess their own convictions or opinions and shift, if need be. I might only consider haste imperative if the roles specified in the Bible could not be accomplished without women functioning in those roles. For hundreds of years now male leadership has kept us obedient to specified commands of God. Certainly, that is not an argument for the status quo, but it is a plea for caution in moving forward.
To be clear, I’d love to see women more visible in public worship, and I’m grateful for the careful research being done to that end. A concern has been raised that by delaying a change, we are not being “all things to all people.” Honestly, that shouldn’t be a deterrent to anyone seeking redemption and a relationship with Jesus, though it might deter some if they are looking secular-culture compatibility – a concern Jesus never entertained.
My great desire as we move into greater public use of women, whether in praying, teaching or song leading, is that women exhibit a “gentle and quiet spirit.” It is easy to come across as strident when one’s voice is raised with emotion or when one tries to be heard in a crowd. It will take some input and practice for some women to accomplish a bearing of humility in these more visible roles.
I am concerned that the same loud cultural voices demanding more public visibility for women in leadership in churches (not just our own) may reside in tandem with perspectives that shy away from having a humble learner’s spirit – a problem common among many millennials today. (Of course, this does not apply to every proponent of women’s leadership, nor to every millennial.)
But I have a greater concern still. Within the fellowships with which I have experience, I have not found many younger women seeking to sit at the feet of older women. Perhaps Paul’s instruction to Titus put the onus on older women to teach, but what responsibility lies with the younger women?
“Likewise, teach the older women to teach what is good….Then they can teach the younger women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God.” (Titus 2:3-5)
Yes, older women need to be willing and available and this passage primarily addresses domesticity, but there are attributes like self-control, purity, and kindness that apply no matter the marital status. These are attributes best taught by someone who embodies them and who through life-experience has fought off the natural temptations to be otherwise.
God values life-experience when it is combined with an effort to conform to the nature of God. Older women, therefore, must apply their minds to a thoughtful replaying of memories regarding success and failure in scriptural application in order to pass along lessons that can help younger women. God affirms his value of life-experience in referring to the needs of infants requiring milk versus the mature who need solid food.
“In fact, though by this time you ought to be teachers, you need someone to teach you the elementary truths of God’s word all over again. You need milk, not solid food! Anyone who lives on milk, being still an infant, is not acquainted with the teaching about righteousness. But solid food is for the mature, who by constant use [of spiritual food] have trained themselves to distinguish good from evil.” (Hebrews 5:12-14)
In the concern for women’s gifts to be more fully used in our churches, it shouldn’t be about visibility or positions of leadership, but about respect earned by a godly life plus God-given gifts of leadership (Romans 12:6-8). It is certainly not about advanced years. Regardless of age, Jesus changed the way women were respected – dramatically and beautifully – and we should follow his example. But we must value what he values. A clue to this is given to Timothy when being instructed which widows were to be honored with financial support in the churches.
“…and [she] is well known for her good deeds, such as bringing up children, showing hospitality, washing the feet of the Lord’s people, helping those in trouble and devoting herself to all kinds of good deeds.” (I Timothy 5:10)
I believe that our churches teach respect of older men and women, but it is rarely evidenced in seeing the younger using their elders as “life coaches.” Perhaps as an act of benevolence our young visit with the older, but is it in order to learn from them? I simply do not see many younger women actively seeking to sit at the feet of older women.
It seems odd to me that in an era when hiring a secular life-coach is a popular trend, the money-free offer of spiritual life-coaching (aka, discipling) is neglected. It saddens me to see wise older women having little or no influence in the lives of younger women. We should be so proud to be part of a church where women mentoring women is a hallmark of our fellowship – not just teaching at a midweek devotional, but in one-on-one relationships where wisdom is prized!
I think we must be careful to discern the difference in the world’s definition of wisdom and God’s. Men and women alike can be persuasive, articulate, and talented, but that does not make them qualified to lead. It can make them appear wise, but it does not make them wise. God defines wisdom by qualities of character.
“Who is wise and understanding among you? Let them show it by their good life, by deeds done in the humility that comes from wisdom. But if you harbor bitter envy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast about it or deny the truth. Such ‘wisdom’ does not come down from heaven but is earthly, unspiritual, demonic. For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice. “But the wisdom that comes from heaven is…pure; then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere. Peacemakers who sow in peace reap a harvest of righteousness.” (James 3:13-18)
Again, I am not against women serving in more public ways and I applaud the papers being written and the conversations being had, but it makes me wonder, whether, if we restored more basic New Testament practices to our current church culture, we might ramp down the urgency and controversy. I also wonder whether we might shine a brighter light by exhibiting the character and spirit God values in women than by placing them in roles that may be desirable, but not mandatory.
Family, we need to talk. This won’t take long but it is important. I’ll be brief and try to avoid that lecturing tone that no one appreciates.
In the early 20th century, Swiss psychologist Hermann Rorschach developed the famous inkblot test, which soared in popularity in the 1960’s. Supporters of this test claim that when subjects are shown specific inkblots and name the first thing that pops into their mind as they attempt to identify the shape they see, it reveals much about their personality and emotional functioning. In short, just a quick glance can make known a person’s true identity and many other things about them. Whether that works in the field of psychology has been the subject of much debate in the ensuing decades.
But our society seems to be devolving into a Rorschach mentality. We see one image, one short video clip, one Tweet, one soundbite, one quote and we know all we need to know. Within a moment we know the truth of a situation and can safely jump to judgment. She is evil. He is a thug. She is a moron. He is a bigot.
A Case in Point
This has become the norm. This was proven again with the recent flap over the Covington Catholic school boys in Washington DC. One picture circulated the web, and everyone knew exactly what was going on. Within hours the young man’s face was spread around the globe and he was found guilty in the Rorschach test of public opinion. Twitter had spoken; this was worthy of being covered as global news. It was seized upon and pushed by a media that is desperately playing to the pay-for-clicks reality of their profession, and so will thrust forward any headline that sounds sensational and will satisfy the appetite of a society that feeds on the confirmation bias of stories that support what they already wish to believe. Yes, we have become a society that sees what we believe—even if it’s not there.
Let me tell you what I’m not doing. I’m not taking the side of anyone in this incident. This is not even about that incident. The Covington controversy is just another example in a disturbing trend. I’m not telling you what to feel, and you may feel a lot in cases like this. I’m not saying that we should not stand up to injustice or unfair treatment when we see it.
What I am saying is that as Christians we must let our minds and actions be trained by the word of God and not by the society around us. Were the young Catholic boys guilty and deserving of public shame? Were they guilty of everything they were initially accused of? It certainly seems now that the situation was much more complex than first thought. Just as many rushed to demonize them, it is true that many rushed in to defend them before they knew all the facts. I must also admit that these young men were given the benefit of the doubt by many people much quicker than if it was a different group of young men in their shoes. But how others would or would not have been treated in a similar situation is not the point either.
It’s Not Just the World’s Problem
What I’m talking about here is the rush to judgment and punishment. Before we even know the facts, the verdict was in. It was decided by many that their lives should be ruined. Sadly, we can’t just pin this one on the “world.” I went on social media and saw numerous examples of disciples of Jesus Christ from across the country spreading this story and calling the young man from Covington Catholic, “disgusting,” “horrible,” “racist,” “atrocious,” and more. (Let me point out that while this incident is an American controversy, this is not just an American issue.)
It would seem that Christians often jump to judgment as quickly as the world does. These young men were tried in the court of public opinion and many of us piled on because something in the story triggered us. Those triggers may be real, but does that give us the right to behave like the world around us? Others may have been unjustly treated in the same manner or far worse in the past. Okay, but does that justify ungodly behavior now? Those boys were insensitive or displaying bigotry. Maybe, but does that behavior now push someone outside of the bounds of God’s mercy and love or is it okay to judge and hate in that situation because you’ve “seen that look before.”
Let’s slow down for a moment. Now, I know not all of us are guilty of doing this. It’s safe to say that most of us are not guilty. But we cannot pretend that this proclivity to rush to judgment is not a problem in the body of Christ.
As is often the case, more information came in and indeed things do seem a little more complicated than first thought. It was a chaotic situation and there is likely plenty of blame to go around to everyone involved. That’s not always the case, but it was in this situation. There, are many times when people have prejudged a person or situation, ruined their lives, and then cared very little when the facts turned out differently than initially thought.
My point is not to get into the complicated details of any one situation. The details of this case and which side subsequently rushed to judgment are frankly irrelevant. I could easily offer less controversial examples to make the case. Just this morning, a picture of LeBron James sitting on the end of the bench alone during a game with a three-chair gap between himself and the next teammate was all we needed. Within hours, the picture was everywhere. LeBron is hated by his teammates. I’ve already seen at least four news stories this morning on that picture and observed it having been shared on social media by at least a dozen people that I know. Never mind that LeBron has a special padded chair for previous injuries that sits at the end of the bench, or that a teammate was sitting next to him but was checking into the game. Never mind that just a few minutes later, teammates were next to him. A narrative was created around one still shot and the Rorschach mentality was in full effect. This is a trend in our culture that we as disciples seem to be slowly allowing to creep into our own hearts.
And that’s my concern; that many Christians have seemingly embraced the emotional Rorschach effect that has gripped much of the world.
Are We Still Listening to the Bible?
Have we forgotten that Proverbs 18:17 guides us that the first one to state their case seems right, until someone else comes forward with another viewpoint? Have we minimized the call to be ministers of reconciliation? Have we failed to come to grips with the truth that “the one who has shown no mercy will be judged without mercy? Mercy triumphs over judgment” (James 2:13 ISV).
Have we lost sight of 1 Peter 1:13 (ISV) which says, “Therefore, prepare your minds for action, keep a clear head, and set your hope completely on the grace to be given you when Jesus, the Messiah, is revealed.”?
Peter suggests three important reactions that should be practiced by followers of Christ until it becomes habitual. First, he says, prepare you minds for action. Don’t get taken off guard. Things will happen unexpectedly. Seemingly shocking things will come across your screen. Will you fly off the handle or have you trained yourself to respond in a thoughtful and kingdom-focused manner?
Second, keep a clear head. Don’t get swept along by the emotional outrage culture of today. Train yourself to look at things from the viewpoint of the resurrection rather than those whose hope is rooted solely in what they perceive as justice and comfort in the present age. Being called to love your enemies, for example, means that there are bigger things at play than just giving into anger and disgust at those who we feel deserve it. And by the way, it is never okay, for a Christian to pile on in attempts to destroy someone because we disagree with them. Jesus called for Roman soldiers who were humiliating and oppressing fellow Jews to be treated better than that (Matthew 5:41).
Finally, he says, set your hope completely on the grace given to us in Jesus and the coming resurrection. That must be our focus. The world has different priorities. The priority of disciples is to demonstrate the kingdom of God in every action we take, every word we say, and every post we make. If our responses look and sound just like the world’s, then where is the alternative hope of God’s kingdom? We’ve all flown off the handle before and responded emotionally at times, God knows I have. But we’ve got to do better. We must strive to display God’s kingdom and not our emotions or preferences. That doesn’t mean that we don’t ever confront injustice or evil. That’s not what this is about. This is about the rush to judgment and our role in the world as image bearers.
The next time we see one of these controversial stories in the news, let’s take Peter’s advice. Be prepared for this. Keep our heads. And carefully and prayerfully think about how we can display the kingdom of God to all sides and not just become a water carrier for the various non-kingdom agendas of the world. Let’s put down the Rorschach mentality and pick up God’s word to let it guide us.
This will be the last in my three-part series about passing the torch to the next generation of leaders. I have been tremendously encouraged by the feedback I’ve received from the two previous articles and have come to realize we find ourselves in a spot where we have to be intentional about the future of our brotherhood. Each church leader, each regional family, and each continental group needs to ask ourselves: Do we have a plan? I’d like to humbly suggest some things that might just help all of us be more intentional.
Look Into the Future
I get it. There’s so much to do! I lead a church here in Seattle of nearly 600 members. We have a young staff, some very effective programs, a pretty good-sized budget, and layers of influence. My weeks, just like yours, are very busy. It’s far too easy to put your head down and fail to look up. Before I was in the ministry, I was a young man trying to be an architect, which meant I spent a lot of time (sometimes all day) staring at very small, detailed blueprints. If I wasn’t looking closely at those, I was trying to learn this new thing called CAD on the computer. After a couple of years of this, I realized I was having problems with my eyes, it was hard to focus. I immediately went to the eye doctor, and after taking a couple of tests and learning what I did all day, he said, “you are becoming myopic, which is a fancy word for near-sighted.” I was staring so intently at the small details right in front of me, I was losing focus on things farther away.
The solution? He advised me to stop every 15 minutes during the day and focus on something way down the hall from my office! In other words, take the time to focus farther away. Honestly, it was a valuable lesson then, and has been something I’ve come back to now. For us called with building God’s church: regularly take the time to look up from the details of today and focus on something much farther away. Are you having discussions in your church about things like: Where are we headed? How are we investing now for the future? What do we want to see in 5/10 years? Everyone has to engage these questions somehow, or we will build our ministries in a very short-sighted way.
Have a Financial Plan
This one gets tricky. Not everything we invest in costs us money, but without setting aside some money and resources, we will have a very hard time raising up the next generation of leaders. I’m not saying it’s easy, and has to be done with care, especially since so many of our full-time leaders are diligently thinking about their own livelihood and have good ambitions to retire in a healthy way someday. I could be wrong, but I think most church Board of Directors would welcome a conversation about creatively setting aside some money for the next generation, while still helping their current senior staff feel taken care of and achieve their goals. I’m not sure I would work for a church whose BOD cared passionately about one but not the other. Having said that, here are some courageous questions we should be asking:
- Are our senior staff members engaged in good financial planning? Do they have a clear way to replace themselves and their salaries someday? Are they currently putting things away for retirement? These are things their local church needs to be sensitively talking with them about. On the administrative side, let’s be sure to understand this is a sensitive topic for ministry staff. On the ministry staff side, let’s please not get into the ugly habit of hanging onto our jobs at all costs – especially if we have failed to maintain an inspiring vision. Let’s work together humbly and carefully.
- Would the congregation, if asked, be willing to give more for some young people? Have you asked? I know a lot of churches in need of young people, but I also know too many ministers who haven’t asked people to give more. It’s easy to get afraid and assume there are too many “asks” already. There may be, but you also may find a lot of people inspired to dig even deeper if they see a clear plan for the future. Ask.
- Are we who set the budgets including enough for young people in regard to training, internships, travel to conferences, etc.? Let’s be sure we’re prioritizing the next generation in our budget.
Create a Culture that Empowers and Gives Away Influence
One of the many things I love about the ministry strategy we embrace here in Seattle is that we try our best to help people feel like they own the church. Decisions have to be made, but where possible we try to collaborate (yes, it takes more time) together with each demographic beforehand. None of us here love meetings (gotta have them every now and then though!), but we do love surveys, polls, and vibrant discussions. It keeps us on our toes and helps us intentionally think about what the church looks like through each group’s eyes.
Amazon is one of the fastest growing companies in the world right now and is headquartered here in Seattle. Their founder, Jeff Bezos, recently told all employees and shareholders that Amazon is a “Day One” company, meaning each day is to be treated like a start up! He invites ideas from everywhere and is always looking for ways to avoid becoming stagnant. Is it any wonder why the next generation is flocking to companies like this? Truth is, good, decisive leadership in a church is biblical, and if we aim to please everyone, we will violate the scriptures at some point. On the other hand, in areas where influence and decisions can be “given away,” are we letting go and trusting others to step up. This stuff doesn’t necessarily matter to everyone, but BOY it matters to the younger generation. As it relates to creativity and vision, let’s be sure the church they worship in doesn’t lag too far behind the companies they work at.
Provide Ample Training
Recently I asked Lynne Green how old she and Scott were when they planted the Hong Kong church. She reminded me they were 27! I know they happened to be two of the most talented people we know, and I know it’s been done plenty of times, but that’s still pretty young to plant a church oversees. I began to think…. why don’t we see more of that? I’m not just talking about letting young people lead mission team plantings, but actually letting young people step out and lead even though they’re young. One of the reasons? Sometimes we’re not as intentional about training as we used to be. Lynne said they were given multiple venues for training the year before they left, with an eye toward them leading a church. We have to get creative about identifying the young people who can lead churches and feel good about putting them through some rigorous training, even letting them cut their teeth in our established churches. Also, let’s be careful not to needlessly “raise” the age of young people. I hate to break it to you, but 40 is not the new 27!
Develop and Maintain a Strong Biblical Ethic
Timothy was a young guy trying to do ministry in Ephesus without the presence of his trainer, Paul. But Paul sent him some instructions about persevering, and gave him some solid reminders:
“Command and teach these things. 12 Don’t let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith and in purity. 13 Until I come, devote yourself to the public reading of Scripture, to preaching and to teaching” (1 Timothy 4:11-13).
“In the presence of God and of Christ Jesus, who will judge the living and the dead,a and in view of his appearing and his kingdom, I give you this charge: 2 Preach the word; be prepared in season and out of season; correct, rebuke and encourage – with great patience and careful instruction. 3 For the time will come when people will not put up with sound doctrine. Instead, to suit their own desires, they will gather around them a great number of teachers to say what their itching ears want to hear. 4 They will turn their ears away from the truth and turn aside to myths. 5 But you, keep your head in all situations, endure hardship, do the work of an evangelist, discharge all the duties of your ministry” (2 Timothy 4:1-5).
Paul was very clear with Timothy: stay completely devoted to God and his word, no matter what’s going on around you! We have to dispel the modern myth that says young people don’t want clear, strong, biblical teaching. It’s just not true. Yes, they are demanding we talk about it in a way they understand, and they sure do have a lot more layers of nuance than I remember having at that age but make no mistake – most of them are drawn to the boundaries God lays out.
A few years ago, another brother in Seattle and I were curious as to how a local church here in Seattle was attracting and retaining hundreds of millennials. I got online and watched a lot of sermons by the main preacher. I’m not sure what I expected (dumbed-down sermons and light entertainment maybe?), but what I heard was clear, strong directives to use the scriptures as a guide, not the world around you! At the time, it seemed more hard-line than a lot of the stuff in our own church! The lesson? Talk about the Bible in language that speaks to young people and be sure to discuss the thing that matter to THEM (women’s roles versus the Dead Sea Scrolls, for example), but do not water down God’s truth for them. They simply aren’t demanding that. Let’s get creative but maintain a strong commitment to biblical truth in our churches.
Find Ways to Hear Their Voice
This last suggestion might be the most important: create and develop ways to find out what they are thinking about the church we are building. It’s not easy, and it won’t be accomplished just by telling them from the pulpit that you’re interested in what they think. They have to be convinced of your genuine interest and then pulled in. One thing we’ve recently started in Seattle is a “Next Generation Council.” It is an idea presented to me by a young professional brother in his 20’s, and it is based on a leadership program started at his job. Create a place where the young people (under 33) can talk about the culture in their church in a way that then interacts with church leadership. The goal here is to create a committee of invested, spiritual individuals (led by one of their own) and give them talking points that will help inform us of the culture we’re building in the church. My experience here so far is that they will be very responsible with this, and it will help me understand what they value as I help the church with current programs and future visions.
I hope these thoughts have blessed you in some way. They are just my ideas. I respect the work everyone is doing, and I trust we’re all thinking in some way about how to empower the next generation to step up and lead us into the future. The churches we are building are worth it, the people behind us care about it, and God’s mission demands it.
