Introduction to this Essay Series
C.S. Lewis, who was no stranger to tragedies in his life once wrote “Grief is like a long valley, a winding valley where any bend may reveal a totally new landscape.”
My life experienced a tragedy on March 30, 2009, when our middle child, Scott, was involved in a near fatal motorcycle accident. The accident was marked as a fatality, but God had other plans for Scott. God had other plans for me as well. Scott was in a coma for 5 months, and will be in rehabilitation for the rest of his life with a traumatic brain injury.
I have been journaling my experiences, feelings, and thoughts for over 15 years. While not everyone thankfully will be affected with a similar tragedy, God has taught me numerous lessons that I pray will help you during difficult times. Jesus said in John 16:33, “I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me. Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world.” The road of life takes many interesting turns. We can either learn from them or ignore the lessons. I am trying to learn the lessons and hope these lessons encourage you.
I Just Want to Hear Your Voice – Episode 1
The call came that no parent ever wants to answer. I was in my office on March 30, 2009, and at 4:30 p.m., someone called me out of the meeting I was in, saying that I had a call from the main switchboard about my son. I glanced down at my cellphone and saw that I had received a number of calls on it, but I had silenced it because I was in a meeting. As I looked more closely at my phone, I saw that two very good friends had called me. I wondered what the problem was and then I received a call from my wife Peggy. She said, “Dave, Scott was in a very serious motorcycle accident, and they’ve marked it as a fatality. He’s been airlifted to a hospital, but we don’t know which one.”
Emotional Shock Wave
Immediately panic, concern, fear, and every other emotion that you can imagine came through my mind. But then my fatherly instincts kicked in, and I immediately started calling police stations to find out where he had been taken. After about 30 minutes, I found out that he was at the Atlanta Medical Center in downtown Atlanta. His accident happened in Marietta and so I assumed that he had been taken to one of the local hospitals. I believe it was the Cobb County police who told me that for extremely bad accidents he would need to go to a level one trauma center, and the only ones were Atlanta Medical Center and Grady Memorial Hospital. I called Grady first and then Atlanta Medical Center, and he was there.
I remember driving down to the hospital during rush hour, praying and begging God that he was OK. I was praying for a miracle and voiced prayers that only a mother or father prays during a time like this. This came so out of the blue. I had just seen him before I left for work. He was going to study the Bible with a friend and then going to work out with another friend. How can this be? “Dear God, this makes no sense. He was just trying to live for you.”
I was not able to see him immediately because of the seriousness of his situation, but later in the evening, the doctors came out to see Peggy and me. We had driven there separately, and the doctor did not have very good news. He said our son had a broken clavicle, a broken nose and was internally bleeding profusely. He said they were trying to stop the bleeding, but whether he would live was very much in question. The feeling a parent has at such a moment was the worst gut punch I have ever received in my life, and I have had many.
After two days of not knowing whether he was going to live or die, another surgeon came out and said they had found the bleeding. “It was in the rear part of his spleen,” he said, “and we took out his spleen, and we believe we stopped the bleeding.” He had multiple tubes in his body and had been put in a medically induced coma. I can’t tell you the despair and pain that I felt. The worst feeling was the hopelessness of being totally out of control. His life was purely in the hands of God. We prayed, and we prayed, and we prayed. Those nights were agonizing.
An Emotional Roller Coaster
During the first evening and night, many. many of our Christian friends and some of my friends from work started coming to the hospital. They offered so much comfort and so much emotional relief and yet there’s nothing anyone can say or do to remove that gut wrenching pain and fear of a parent. We are so grateful to the North River Church, my friends there and those from my workplace at the time, Habitat for Humanity International, who came to offer comfort. We spent three nights in the surgical waiting room near the intensive care area and waited and prayed.
My pain became anger: anger at God, anger at the situation, which drove me to ask the two questions that we always seem to ask in the situation: “Dear God, Scott is a Christian, he’s a good man, why him?” I then started asking God, “What is the purpose in this, what do you want to teach me? What do I need to learn?” I’ve always trusted the grace of God; I’ve always trusted the power of God, but something like this can just throw everything I thought I knew about the power of God out the window, and yet God never left us. I knew that God was there; I knew that God had lost his Son, and I knew that God understood the feelings that we were having. Although that was my greatest comfort, I still vacillated between despair, anger, fear, faithlessness, courage, hopelessness, worry and so many other emotions.
A New Opportunity
After two weeks, Scott physically stabilized (he would live…prayers answered) but continued to be in a coma. We heard from a neurologist that multiple brain scans showed that his brain was not working properly. He had sustained a Traumatic Brain Injury. In cases like this, no one can tell what the extent of that injury was. We would have to determine the damage only by what he was able to do, if and when he “woke up.” He would most likely never return to “normal”, but would he permanently remain in a vegetative state, would he ever walk, would he ever talk, would he even be able to recognize us?
We heard about an amazing brain injury hospital in Atlanta called The Shepherd Center. There was not much more that the Atlanta Medical Center could do for him, so we prayed that we could transfer him to this rehabilitation center we had discovered. We worked with the Shepherd Center intake team, and they accepted him to be transferred. (Prayers answered again.) He spent over three months in Shepherd hospital. The first two weeks there he barely opened his eyes. There was no response.
I remember praying to God about how much I loved his laugh and how much I loved his jokes and how much I loved having fun talks with him. I remember praying to God, “Please let me hear his voice again. It doesn’t have to be spectacular. He doesn’t even have to put words together. I just want to hear him. I just want him to be able to respond to me, whether by voice, touch or smile – just some reaction that acknowledges he sees or hears me.” Yet there was nothing. The weeks turned into a couple of months, and one of the fallacies that people think is that when a person goes into a coma, they suddenly wake up and everything’s okay. He was in my world completely, but I was not in his world. He couldn’t squeeze my hand. He couldn’t follow any commands; his eyes just looked straight ahead. I continued the prayer, “Lord please help him to understand that I am his father. I just want him to communicate with me even if it’s just by blinking his eyes or squeezing my hand.” I love him so much and I just wanted him to communicate with me.
After a few weeks, he would follow people in the room slowly with his eyes. I would smile at him, talk to him and touch him, but there was no reaction. I would look at my son, the young man whom I spent 20 years nurturing and raising and enjoying life with, and that same young man would just stare at me with no reaction or acknowledgment that I was in the room with him. I can’t tell you what it’s like to see your son listless, motionless and unresponsive. I was with Scott. I could see him. I could touch him. And yet no acknowledgment of me or anyone was occurring. I would stop by the hospital before work, and I would pray, “God, let today be the day he speaks. Let me see an acknowledgment. Let me hear his voice just a little bit and again it doesn’t need to be anything profound, just a touch, just to squeeze my hand, a smile, and if possible, some words.” But there was nothing.
I would come back from the office and pray for the same thing, yet nothing happened day after day, month after month. I prayed the same prayer and yet it remained the same unanswered prayer. As I looked at Scott day after day after day and would look into his eyes, it was almost like I could look directly into his spirit as if I could see the indwelling of the Holy Spirit. I knew that the Holy Spirit dwelling within him was still alive and vibrant and that I could communicate with Him, and believe me, I was communicating with Him so much. Yet from Scott’s physical body, I heard nothing back – no acknowledgement, no smile, no words, no touch.
God’s Heart for Us
I then realized a very profound mystery of God. You see, I had a son whom I loved so much, but he didn’t acknowledge me. He wouldn’t speak to me. He wouldn’t touch me. He wouldn’t smile at me. Scott was fully in my world, but I was not in his. I realized how God looks at me as a son. Just like I spent hours and hours and hours in Scott’s room, hoping for some kind of acknowledgment, God sees us every day and what does he want from us? He loves us so much and he’s looking at us. He’s in our room and yet when we don’t pray, when we don’t talk to Him, when we don’t acknowledge Him, we are breaking his heart because he wants to hear our voice, He wants our acknowledgment of him. How selfish it is for us not to acknowledge the Creator of the universe. To not acknowledge the God who gave his only Son for our salvation, for our joy and our peace in this lifetime must be so painful to our Creator. It must break his heart. Just like it didn’t matter to me what Scott said or how he communicated, but only that he let me know that I was in his world, our God wants us to acknowledge him. I can’t imagine how God must feel when we go day after day after day without prayer, without just acknowledgement of our Father, without thanking him for the nature that he provided us, the lives he provided us, and most importantly, without thanking Him for the salvation that cost Him so dearly.
As you go about your day, your heavenly Father is in your room, in your car, in your house, in your workplace, while you’re sleeping, while you’re awake, and like a father or mother to their child, he wants to hear from us. Our prayers do not have to be anything profound; he just wants to hear from us. Prayer took on a whole new meaning for me. Prayer is not simply asking for things. Prayer is not simply using God as a Santa Claus – “I’ll do this if you do that for me”. The God of the universe wants a relationship with us. He shows us his love every day. He shows us how much he cares about us every day. When we pray, do we talk to him as a father, as a son talks to his earthly father? Remember how much God loves you and remember he just wants to hear from you. We are totally in his world; Is He totally in your world? He just wants to hear your voice.
“What are you learning?” is one of my favorite conversation starters. The response I get often tells me a lot about my conversation partner.
I love to learn. There is so much to discover, big and small things, about others, about life, and even about myself. My love of learning translates to a lifestyle of listening to others, reading, being curious, and, when I am at my best, being humble.
In fact, humility is the foundation of a learner’s spirit, and it is essential to anyone who strives to follow Jesus and wear the badge of “disciple.” A disciple is a learner, and it is impossible to be a disciple without the recognition that I have something to learn. I need the humility to see my shortcomings, inexperience, biases, pride, defensiveness, misunderstandings, and more.
Biblically, there are many ways to learn: from history (Romans 15:4), from making mistakes (Proverbs 26:11-12), from discipline and correction (Proverbs 12:1), from others (Proverbs 12:15), and through effort/intentionality (Proverbs 4:5). Proverbs has a lot to say about humility and learning; in fact, the language of Proverbs chapters one to seven is that of a parent teaching a child. God wants us to be the children and to learn from Wisdom. Jesus further emphasizes the illustration in Matthew 18:1-4 (all quotations are from the NRSV):
At that time the disciples came to Jesus and asked, “Who is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven?” 2 He called a child, whom he put among them, 3 and said, “Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. 4 Whoever becomes humble like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven. 5 Whoever welcomes one such child in my name welcomes me.
Learning From History
For whatever was written in former days was written for our instruction, so that by steadfastness and by the encouragement of the scriptures we might have hope. Romans 15:4
There is an oft quoted saying by the Spanish philosopher George Santayana: “Those who do not remember the past are condemned to repeat it.” Winston Churchill memorialized and modified it in writing as, “Those that fail to learn from history are doomed to repeat it.”
This is applicable to the importance of reading the Old Testament well, but also in understanding both world history and church history. There are many dark chapters in church history, but during most of those dark chapters the church did not see the darkness. Crusades, indulgences, corrupt power structures, defending slavery, racism, sexism, and humanism have all plagued the church at different times, and some of these are still issues today.
What is difficult during each era is the defensive confidence that the status quo is enlightened; we have learned what there is to learn from the past, and those who question today’s norms are to be condemned and ostracized, or at a minimum, marginalized. It takes humility and a learner’s spirit to consider that we may have more to learn, and that the status quo may be off the mark.
Learning from Making Mistakes
Like a dog that returns to its vomit
is a fool who reverts to his folly.
12 Do you see people wise in their own eyes?
There is more hope for fools than for them. Proverbs 26:11-12
Many of us are experiential learners. We only learn when we try or do and mess up. We touch the hot stove and learn. The continual challenge then is to take responsibility for what happened and reflect. There is an increasingly influential way of thinking that if things do not work out favorably for me it is because someone else did something wrong. In other words, if something does not work out it is because I am a victim. We blame circumstances, leaders, friends, and family members. And God. It is a lot of work to take responsibility for our mistakes and many of us do not want to put the time and energy into both owning them and working to address them.
Learning from Discipline and Correction
Whoever loves discipline loves knowledge,
but those who hate to be rebuked are stupid. Proverbs 12:1
Sometimes, this is just learning from life. This year I decided to talk to a Christian counselor about my life and persistent character challenges. We had many sessions to talk about my premature birth, early childhood lack of attachment to my mother, my upbringing, alcoholism in the family, the early death of my mother and my failure to mourn, and my struggle with being emotionally rigid, easily aggravated, and excessively ordering my environment. As we were working through the early issues, I was beginning to believe that my struggles were all explainable: look at what happened to me!
But there came a point when talking about relationships in my immediate family that the counselor changed his tone and became a bit more direct. He said, “Jim, the problem is you value control and your own comfortability more than the relationship.” His words, though stunning, immediately rang true. Sure, my family history lent itself to my struggle, but it is not an excuse, and I am responsible for who I am today and will be tomorrow. Discipline and correction are uncomfortable, and I even find the process of change disorienting. While giving up on my control strategies I have begun to lose things and forget things, but hopefully I am more present in the moment, and I sense the quality of my relationships improving.
Learning from Others
Fools think their own way is right,
but the wise listen to advice. Proverbs 12:15
Whom I am willing to learn from is a significant indicator of my humility and learner’s spirit. I see a trainer twice a week who is 28 years old. He teaches me about fitness, and both encourages and challenges me. I have a tennis coach who is 20 years younger than me. He knows more about doubles tennis strategy and develops drills to help me improve; when he gives me an encouragement or correction, I take it seriously. My wife is an overcomer and a natural leader, with strong qualities that I lack; I watch and learn every day. My adult children are all in their thirty’s; the three boys are professionals and leaders, with experience and perspective that I do not have, and I learn from them continually. I am frequently amazed and inspired by women leaders who have emotional maturity and a gift at connecting with others; I want to be more like them.
One of the challenges some of us have is that we are quite selective about who we are willing to learn from, and what we are willing to question, consider, or reflect upon. We may have a hierarchal view of learning, have sacred self-interests, or a discomfort with anything that is not highly certain. Think of the challenges others had in changing their minds about the shape of the planet, slavery, the rights of women to vote, and basic civil rights for people of color.
The big challenge Jesus had with the religious ruling class of his day was that they were not willing to learn from him, and there was so much to learn! They had the defensive confidence that the status quo of their time was enlightened. Jesus was disruptive, a troublemaker, someone to be marginalized. They couldn’t discredit him, or kick him out of their circle, so they killed him. God knew this to be the case and worked his redemptive plan out of the cross, but let me ask a question: is it possible that I am more like the religious ruling class of Jesus’ day than I care to admit? If Jesus came into my church today, would I see him as disruptive if he had something to say about the way I am living, leading, and treating others?
Learning from Effort and Intentionality
Get wisdom; get insight: do not forget nor turn away
from the words of my mouth. Proverbs 4:5
Are you a learner? If so, what have you changed your mind about recently? I heard Gordon Ferguson speak after bouncing back from almost dying from cancer and its treatment protocol. It was remarkable to hear him talk (just before turning 80) about how his view of God has shifted, and how he is learning how to trust and be ready for his transition when it does finally come. What a significant change of thinking about perhaps the most important topic on the planet: how we view God. His recent experience was the trigger, but he also took that experience and reflected and studied and came to some new conclusions. That is humility and learning. It takes effort and intentionality.
I have had to do quite a bit of work the last few years to learn how to better read the Bible, become more aware of my cultural biases, to be more open to feedback and correction, and to tackle my persistent character flaws and sins. I am also beginning to grapple with the concept of retirement (or evolving!) and what that might look like. It takes significant thought, effort, and energy, and I am committed to it.
The default, however, is to be lazy and defend the status quo, to have a defensive confidence that is inflexible and unwilling to learn and change. I contest that you cannot call yourself a disciple if you are living in this default state.
What are you learning? How are you growing? Are you willing to change your mind if you get added information or a new perspective?
I love Psalm 25. David was in distress; he had a pervasive confidence, but it was in God, not himself. Look at the language of learning and humility and trust in this psalm and be inspired to imitate this heart. Below are verses 1-9, but I encourage you to meditate on the entire psalm.
Psalm 25
Prayer for Guidance and for Deliverance
Of David.
1 To you, O Lord, I lift up my soul.
2 O my God, in you I trust;
do not let me be put to shame;
do not let my enemies exult over me.
3 Do not let those who wait for you be put to shame;
let them be ashamed who are wantonly treacherous.
4 Make me to know your ways, O Lord;
teach me your paths.
5 Lead me in your truth and teach me,
for you are the God of my salvation;
for you I wait all day long.
6 Be mindful of your mercy, O Lord, and of your steadfast love,
for they have been from of old.
7 Do not remember the sins of my youth or my transgressions;
according to your steadfast love remember me,
for the sake of your goodness, O Lord!
8 Good and upright is the Lord;
therefore he instructs sinners in the way.
9 He leads the humble in what is right
and teaches the humble his way.
“Will you not revive us again, so that your people may rejoice in you?” – Psalm 85:6 (NRSV)
Our family of churches has roots in a series of revival movements. The Stone-Campbell movement in the late 1700s was a unity and revival movement to find unity in scripture, to be “Christians only, but not the only Christians”. It was refreshing and spread like wildfire.
Beginning in the late 1960s, during a time when young people were going through a time of immense social change, Campus Advance, a movement within the Churches of Christ to have informal Bible studies in dormitories and apartments to reach out to college students, effectively inspired large numbers of students to follow Jesus with “total commitment”. Forgiveness, the lordship of Jesus, and contagious evangelism characterized this revival movement.
From the late 1970s into the 1980s the Campus Advance movement evolved into a “discipling movement” or “the Boston movement”, characterized by a revival in international missions.
Today, many in our family of churches are looking for another revival. The movements of the past changed directions, lost steam, or collapsed under their own weight due to systemic problems and humanism.
The Stone-Campbell unity movement fragmented over the course of time around issues of cooperation, worship style, and governance. One branch of the Stone-Campbell movement, the Churches of Christ, divided and fragmented repeatedly around a myriad of issues. The unity movement became a disunity movement.
The “total commitment” movement was a revival of evangelism and enthusiasm, and it was in that era that I was reached out to as a first-year student at Duke University in 1978. We were evangelistic for sure, but most of our energy and conversation was about learning to follow Jesus/walk with God. Our campus ministry was characterized by an eagerness to know our Bible, a desire to be equipped to answer the tough questions our friends would ask, learning how to pray, and helping each other stay and feel close to our God. Our evangelism was organized, but it was secondary to and an overflow of our growing love for God.
The total commitment campus ministries were embedded in Churches of Christ that were prone to divide and fragment, so after a decade or so, the revival flames began to flicker.
The “discipling movement” molded in Boston was characterized by a zeal to train ministers and plant churches around the world. This inspiration and zeal became a unifying force for many from the total commitment movement, and once again fanned the flames of revival. Many in their 20s and 30s were inspired to go into the ministry and train to be missionaries. There was tremendous energy and sacrifice that also got the attention of folks in other corners of the Churches of Christ. This revival gained steam for about 20 years before collapsing under its own weight for a variety of reasons.
{Note: Gordon Ferguson, Douglas Foster and others have written more thorough articles and books about this history; my intent here is to lay out a short runway for the thoughts to come. I have therefore been very general, highlighting only themes and progressions.}
As stated earlier, many in our family of churches are looking for another revival. There is a range of views about what this would look like, but I think most would talk about commitment, evangelism, and numerical growth – with a desire to inspire what was good about prior revival movements while avoiding the problems.
God Revives
When you look at the context of the introductory scripture in Psalm 85, the overall prayer is to ask God to act. God shows favor, forgives, restores, revives, shows his love, and grants salvation. There are some things he looks for in us, which we will discuss later, but it is remarkably clear that God is the one who revives.
One of the ills of the discipling movement was that it became too human, and that humanism is a strand of DNA in our leadership thinking. We want to push people to do more, crank up our evangelistic efforts, and force a unity. Our language implies a belief that we grow the church. While it is acknowledged that spiritual formation, or the quality of our walks with God, is important, there is often a reticence to focus on it too much as it might encourage people to be too inward and not focused on evangelism. I have been involved in several discussions with experienced ministry leaders who hold this position quite strongly. In other words, we put the responsibility for revival squarely on our own shoulders – i.e., we need to revive our churches. A human approach to the need. Is it working? I think not.
Some questions I have therefore are: When will God revive us? What needs to happen? What do we need to learn, and who do we need to be, or become?
Zeal to Know and Love God’s Word
“My soul clings to the dust; revive me according to your word” – Psalm 119:25
I am incredibly grateful for my early experience as a follower of Jesus. I was a campus student, and in learning mode, but I was immersed in a church culture that valued learning the scriptures – information, context, understanding, and application – and with a spirit of continually learning. That is, convictions developed, grew, and even changed over time. I learned how to learn, and began a lifetime of loving to read, better understand, and more faithfully live out God’s word. I would describe it as a zeal to know and love God’s word. His word revives me and will revive us. If personal and corporate Bible study is simply a supporting tool to promote our agenda or inspire behavior change, and is not the lifeblood of each disciple’s faith, revival will not happen. How much effort do we make to help the flock learn how to read their Bibles, and to find revival in God’s word?
Know the Lord
“Come, let us return to the Lord,
for it is he who has torn, and he will heal us;
he has struck down, and he will bind us up.
2 After two days he will revive us;
on the third day he will raise us up,
that we may live before him.
3 Let us know, let us press on to know the Lord;
his appearing is as sure as the dawn;
he will come to us like the showers,
like the spring rains that water the earth.” – Hosea 6:1-3
Knowing the Lord is more than Bible study. It is a relationship. We can talk to him, listen to him, observe him, hide from him, return to him, and press on to know him. In the person of Jesus, we can know the Lord in seeing the way that Jesus lived, taught, and interacted with others. Knowing is not just having knowledge about, but it is a close, intimate relationship.
For me, knowing the Lord involves emotional intimacy, a foundation of my faith that gives perspective to my day, my work, my relationships, and church life. I am sensitive to how I feel about God and imagine how he feels about me. Sometimes in the morning I pull up a chair and imagine Jesus sitting in it, looking at me, and then we talk. I look down in shame, I cry, I smile, am grateful, and just talk about what is going on – and then listen to hear his voice, which is usually a scripture, the recollection of an insight or something someone shared with me, or a new insight.
There can be no revival without knowing my Lord.
Humility
“Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God, so that he may exalt you in due time. 7 Cast all your anxiety on him, because he cares for you….10 And after you have suffered for a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, support, strengthen, and establish you.” – 1 Peter 5:6, 10
If God is not yet reviving us, we should take a long hard look at our humility or lack of it. We still have a hierarchal, command and control strand of DNA in some of our leadership. As a seasoned, but non-staff brother in my church, it is a rare occasion that someone on staff or serving as an elder is genuinely interested in my observations or insight. (Not to toot my horn, but I have been a devoted disciple for 44 years and am continually learning and growing. I have been around a few blocks.) Communication tends to be more about teaching, training, and directing, not listening and learning. This does not bother me too much because I am always looking to listen and learn, but it makes me wonder about the others’ humility and willingness to get input or learn from someone who is not senior to them. I have a very fond memory of seeing my friend Scott Green at a conference in Berlin in 2000. Scott was overseeing the missionary efforts in China and God was working amazing miracles. When Scott and I spoke for a few minutes, he was warm, curious, and humble. He did not want to talk about himself, but asked me what I was learning, and took great interest, a rare quality for someone of his influence at that time.
Love
“Because your steadfast love is better than life, my lips will praise you.” – Psalm 63:3
David’s infatuation with God’s love compelled him to praise him. Knowing God’s love for me, and falling deeply in love with him, changes my heart in a way that commitment, evangelism, and perseverance are an overflow of my understanding of God’s love for me and my love for him. People trying to change my behavior without those in place will exasperate me and themselves. Someone trying to change the behavior of a group or a church through effort and programs, getting back to basics, or running a tighter ship, without a collective foundation of relationship, scripture, a close walk with God, humility, and a deep love for God and his kingdom will fail.
So, what do we do?
- Ask God to revive us and to expose all that is needed to bring that about.
- Have a zeal to know and love God’s word and help all disciples to do the same.
- Make knowing God, spiritual formation, our walk with God a supreme focus of our ministry.
- Be humble. Leaders will be judged more strictly by God (James 3:1), so what am I missing? What do I need to learn?
- Marinate in God’s love for me and fall deeply in love with him. Watch this overflow in my love for others. Help others have this same experience.
Finally, pray and sing the old hymn:
“Revive us again, fill each heart with thy love.
May each soul be rekindled with fire from above.
Hallelujah! Thine the glory, hallelujah! Amen!
Hallelujah! Thine the glory, revive us again.”
Facebook Introduction
All of us have relatives who become so special to us that they hold a unique place in our hearts and lives. When they die, they leave a big hole in our hearts and it takes a while for the grieving process to replace the pain with only precious memories. Ten years ago yesterday, I lost such a relative, a very special uncle. As I almost always do in times of loss, I wrote, as I mentioned two days ago in introducing another similar article. I just posted what I wrote on Halloween ten years ago. Hardly anyone who reads the brief article will have any idea of who my Uncle Pete was, but I would like to introduce a man to you who was an important part of my growing up years. Hopefully it will encourage you to write as you work through your own times of grief. Enjoy!
Uncle Pete
Today, Uncle Pete passed from this life. He was a half month shy of his 79th birthday (which would have been on November 16th). His name will be listed in the obituary as “Brider L. (Leroy) Ferguson” but the only name I ever heard him called by was Pete, or Uncle Pete by his nephews and nieces. I was blessed with five uncles and a number of great-uncles, and I loved all of my uncles in unique ways and thankfully, felt loved by all of them. But for me, Uncle Pete was in somewhat of a special class. For one thing, we were reasonably close in age. I made my entrance into the world when he hadn’t yet turned ten. And he married two years after I did. For all practical purposes, we were contemporaries or at least became that in a reasonably short period of years.
However, for a decade of my life, we shared something especially important to me as a youngster growing up. Prior to my teen years, my dad and I regularly enjoyed the Louisiana outdoors together with Pete and my other two Ferguson uncles, Stanley and Jack. We fished until hunting season opened, and then started back fishing again as soon as the hunting season closed. I could write quite a long article (maybe a book) about all the adventures of the Ferguson boys. As the oldest grandchild, I pretty much became the fifth Ferguson boy. My granddad died when he was relatively young, and in time, I sorta became one of Grandma’s five sons. It was not a coincidence that all five of us went to make her funeral arrangements together when she died at age 75.
But back to what made Pete so special in my life. About the time I became a teenager, he and Grandma moved to Gaars Mill, Louisiana in Winn Parish. They lived on a 65 acre farm with its own little fishing pond and all of the trappings of farm life. Although Pete kept laying brick for a living, he populated the farm with cows, chickens, a horse or two and a couple of dogs. God provided the rest of the population, primarily rats, snakes and other assorted pests. The first two on the list were actually fun pests, in that they provided excellent opportunities for target practice. I shot the snakes with my pellet gun as I made my way around the banks of the pond fishing. Pete, Daddy, Jack and I often shot the rats at night with our .22 pistols loaded with rat shot as they were running across the rafters of the various barns and sheds. Wearing headlights and yelling and hollering as we emptied our guns time and time again would have no doubt alarmed the neighbors – if there had been any! Grandma and Pete definitely lived in the country, but that’s what made it extra special.
Pete didn’t have many rules for me when I visited them, and I visited them often – from about age 13 until they moved back to Shreveport ten years later. He often did make me get up well before daylight to feed the cows and do various other farm chores, but most of the time I did exactly what I wanted and little else. And considering the breakfasts Grandma cooked, getting up early had its own rewards. Pete was not only a really fun uncle, he was an amazingly generous one. From the time he moved to the country, he started letting me drive his fairly new car. I would occasionally pick up a certain distant relative so early in the morning that he didn’t have time to get drunk yet, and the two of us would drive 50 miles to a good fishing hole. He didn’t have much about him to endear himself to the human race, but he endeared himself to me by knowing how to catch lots of fish. It was always a mystery to me why Pete would trust me with his car to drive, knowing that I was not only an underage driver for a few years, but I carried passengers of questionable character in his car when the need arose!
Those years visiting in Gaars Mill left me with some of my best memories of my growing-up years. I could write a fairly lengthy book filled with the memories of those years, replete with chapters that could only be viewed as Ferguson craziness. Right now, I couldn’t imagine life without those years, nor without the memories that made those years so memorable and enjoyable. And all of that means that I couldn’t imagine life without my Uncle Pete. After I heard that he had been diagnosed with a serious form of cancer, I tried to make it back to my hometown as often as possible to see him, and was able to visit him on at least four different occasions between diagnosis and death. The last time was one week ago today in the hospital, and he was still lucid enough to recognize me. For that I am most grateful. I am also strangely grateful that he only lasted one more week, because being confined to bed wasn’t his thing and watching him suffer wasn’t mine.
Although I knew he couldn’t last long, and hoped that he wouldn’t since recovery wasn’t a possibility, hearing the news today hit hard. I’ve thought of little else since, and after talking to his sweet daughter, Melissa, I was able to let the tears flow and drain off some of the grief. Like all such occasions when losing someone you love, it will be a process in which the pain is gradually replaced by the special memories. The mental image of seeing him in his last stages will give way to the memories of a young uncle doing the things that he and I shared together. Even as I write out my feelings of pain now to hopefully help deal with the loss, I have a plethora of feelings of appreciation for having enjoyed an uncle named Pete for the 69 years and four days of my life. Tomorrow will be my first day to awake without an Uncle Pete to share planet earth with any longer. But that fact can never erase his residence in my heart. Good-bye Pete, and thanks for the memories. It was quite a ride.
The question posed by the title is one of the most important questions that any individual can entertain and it is one that you will answer with your life whether you realize it or not. No one can avoid answering it. We are all in the process of answering it right now. Let me explain.
Becoming a Christian means that we come into a saved relationship with God through Christ. Prior to that point, he is our Father by right of creation but when we are saved, he becomes our spiritual Father and we his spiritual child. At the same time, we become a part of his spiritual family, which the Bible describes with many different designations, but church is the most common one. Coming into that saved relationship with God means that we also come into a spiritual relationship with the rest of his children, and together we comprise the church. When we are baptized into Christ we are also baptized into his spiritual body, the church. They go together, as the following two verses show.
Galatians 3:27 (NASB)
For all of you who were baptized into Christ have clothed yourselves with Christ.
1 Corinthians 12:13 (NASB)
For by one Spirit we were all baptized into one body, whether Jews or Greeks, whether slaves or free, and we were all made to drink of one Spirit.
Of course, the church is used in two basic senses, the universal church which includes all of those who are saved, and the local church. The local church is our local family of believers with whom we fellowship. Years ago, I remember a popular saying, “Up with Christ and down with the Church.” Those voicing this concept were basically saying that you could have a satisfying relationship with Christ without being a part of a local church fellowship. It sounded good – if you knew nothing about what the New Testament actually says. You cannot have Christ without the church. Satan works tirelessly to get you to believe that, but it is a Satanic lie. The multitudes of verses that speak of how we function together as family make it clear that we are a family, not a DIY project.
Family Equals Relationships
There are over 60 verses using the phrases “one another” and “each other,” and even more that speak to our close personal relationships with each other. If we understand what the term family means in a physical sense, we should be able to use that understanding to grasp some of the basics that also apply to our spiritual family. For starters, no family is perfect. No parent is perfect and no child in the family is perfect. That means that we had better figure out things like forgiveness, conflict resolution, teamwork, grace and the many other qualities necessary to enjoy happy family relationships. Did your physical family of origin have any dysfunctional aspects in it? Mine certainly did, enough in fact that I wrote a yet unpublished book about some of our dysfunction that I call “weird humor.” It was pretty weird, but we were still family and we still loved one another and we functioned reasonably well even in the midst of our dysfunction. You understand, right? You weren’t raised in a perfect family either, were you? If so, I would love to meet you and hear your story. You would be the first and only one on my list of perfect families.
But I Want a Perfect Church!
If you understand the basics of what I just said, then how could you expect the church to be perfect? Do you think the first century church was perfect? I know you can quote the last few verses of Acts 2 and say, “Yes, that was about as close to perfect as I can imagine.” But if you keep reading through Acts and the other writings describing the history of the early church, you are going to find out that the human element emerges. We wouldn’t have a New Testament if the early church had been perfect. Most of the epistles were written to correct wrong doctrines, wrong living and messed up relationships. Surprise, surprise – but what did you expect with human beings? My subheading for Romans 1-3 in my exposition of Romans is: “The Best of Us is a Mess!” And when you compare us to the standard of Jesus, only an idiot would argue with my wording. We are a mess.
So your church has problems that you would like to see fixed. I understand. I feel the same way. I imagine just about all of the members have a list mentally of what they would like to see done differently. But our lists don’t agree with each other on every point and maybe not even on most points. Through my ministry of over a half century, I’ve seen little groups with the same concerns, which could be called “gripes” if found in a not-too-spiritual group, but other little groups of folks have a different list. What bothers one doesn’t necessarily bother everyone else. But in our pride, we can come to think that we are zeroed in and if others are in the same ballpark of spiritual perspective we are, they will see it the same way. Are you starting to see the huge impact of our pride?
Perspectives Come From Focus
I am addressing much more than our perspectives here; I am addressing what gives us those perspectives in the first place. Our perspectives come from our focuses. Here’s my best illustration to make the point I am aiming at. I have been married for 56 years to Theresa. I am so much in love with her that I can’t keep from talking about her to others. One of my preacher buddies and his wife were once in the audience for one of my teaching days, and in one day, the wife counted how many times I mentioned Theresa. I think it was somewhere over 50 times. She then, with some edge to her voice, asked her husband why he didn’t mention her nearly as much in his preaching as I mentioned Theresa. I didn’t mean to get the dude in trouble. I just can’t help myself. I am married to a cutey pie, fun and funny little angel and I’m delightedly held captive by her. I can’t help it. I don’t want to help it. I wrote a whole book about our marriage, “Fairy Tales Do Come True” (and mine did). One of the last books I wrote was “The Power of Spiritual Relationships.” It’s no surprise that one chapter was just about her.
BUT – there have been many times when I was so mad at her that I couldn’t see any of what I just said. She had become a little demon to me and not an angel. Have we had our so-called “bumps” in our relationship? Oh yes, in fact we have had our “mountains.” My perspective has in those times been so different than it is most of the time. Why? Because perspective is determined by focus! I had started focusing on her very few faults and stopped focusing on her multitude of positive qualities. If you are stupid enough to do that long enough, you may well end up in the divorce court. I usually come to my senses and repent pretty quickly, for she keeps being like Jesus even when I am being the opposite. It’s so humbling when she does that!
Now I don’t think you are stupid. I think you can make the connection and understand just how this illustration correlates to your view of the church. Your focus determines your perspective. If you are mainly negative toward the church, your focus is the reason. Paul wrote to the church in Philippi and used the terms “rejoice” and “rejoicing” repeatedly. But who was rejoicing? Paul – not the church. Read Philippians and you will discover that the church had a number of problems which Paul was addressing. One of the ways that he was trying to help them was in using himself as an example. He was a prisoner in chains when he wrote the book and yet he was rejoicing. How in the world did he do that? Focus! Just listen to him.
Philippians 4:4-9 (NASB)
Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice! 5 Let your gentle spirit be known to all men. The Lord is near. 6 Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. 7 And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. 8 Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things. 9 The things you have learned and received and heard and seen in me, practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you.
Did Paul know that the church had problems? Of course, that’s why he wrote the book, to help them start dealing with their problems and to make progress in being better children to God and better brothers and sisters to each other. Was he ready to give up on them and throw in the towel of being an apostle? Far from it. They were his family and he loved them. They were closer to him emotionally than his physical family members who were not in the church. Is that true with you? The answer you give is determined by your perspective and your perspective is determined by your focus.
How Can You Help With Change?
Thus far, I have addressed how we view and feel about the church. I can see a number of things about the church that I would like to see changed. I’ve never felt differently during my many decades in the church. I will never stop desiring to see every individual member, certainly including myself, become more and more like Christ. I will never stop desiring to see every church become more and more like Christ. After all, it is the church that is said to be the “fullness” of Christ (Ephesians 1:22-23). As individuals, we need to be full of Christ as his image bearers, but it is the church that is said here to be the flesh and blood demonstration of Christ to the world – his fullness.
That said, what are we to do with an imperfect church? You might ask yourself first what God does with it. What do you do with imperfect children or other imperfect family members? Cannot you see the connection? Can you make the connection personally? Better yet, will you make the connection? I see at least two ways we can deal with our imperfect church and I’ve tried them both. Hopefully, my example can help you with your decision about how to proceed.
Be a Constructive Critic
You can either be a constructive critic or a destructive critic. The former tries to help from within as a friend. The latter type ends up outside throwing stones and doing absolutely nothing to help anyone, least of all themselves. I became a part of what we now call the ICOC family of churches back in the summer of 1985 when we moved to San Diego to become a part of what we then called the “Discipling Movement.” Those two and a half years were the most beautiful ministry years of my life. The church had less flaws and more outstanding qualities than any I have ever been a part of. Theresa and I used to say that we thought we had died and gone to heaven. To all of those brothers and sisters there, some of whom are watching from above now, I praise and thank God for you.
But then we moved to Boston. The church in Boston was growing very fast and the growing pains were obvious. I saw things that I didn’t like or think right, and since it was the biggest church in our movement at the time with the greatest influence, it gave a pretty accurate picture of what our movement as a whole was like. I was one of the older leaders, and an implanted one from another family of churches. Most others like me who tried to become a part didn’t last long. They saw the flaws, focused on them and became such destructive critics that they left on their own or were asked to leave. Some of them were my good friends.
It was decision time for me. I unloaded my critical attitudes on people like Wyndham Shaw time and time again. I was mature enough to realize that I had one of two options. I could do like some of my friends did and end up throwing my rocks and flaming arrows of criticism from the outside, doing no one any good, or I could become a real insider and offer constructive critiques that might have a chance to yield some good influence for change. Of course, you know already that I chose the latter option.
Yes, a Critic Still
Was I a critic? Yes. Am I a critic? Yes. Wyndham and I wrote a book almost 20 years ago, “Golden Rule Leadership,” that called a number of our movement leadership practices into question. We got enough criticism from leaders that my wife suggested that we just get tee shirts made with a target on the back of them. Haha – but not too funny at the time. But that book made a difference. I later wrote “Dynamic Leadership,” and Wyndham wrote the Foreword to that one. I think it has made a difference too. I have spoken and written many, many things about us that could accurately be called constructive criticism. Some, usually better-known leaders with the most influence, have not appreciated my efforts. I think God has.
Here is what you cannot afford to miss – I am a constructive critic, registering my concerns as a trusted “insider” and not as an outside flame thrower. Isn’t that what the early apostles were in all of their corrections of wrongs within the church? They were a part of the family. I am a part of the family. If you are focused so much on the negative that your perspective is mainly negative, and you don’t have a mind change sooner than later, you will likely end up leaving. Although I would hate to see you leave, without a mind change, your negativity (which will come out of the pores of your skin if not your mouth) is going to hurt others, and those others are my brothers and sisters too. They have enough to deal with in this crazy COVID messed up world right now. They don’t need your negativity. Please, just take responsibility and repent instead of playing the victim card and blaming the church.
Who Gets the Blame?
Speaking of blaming the church for the things you don’t like, what does that even mean? You don’t blame the church; you blame the leaders. I know you do. They represent the church and are the ones guiding it and the only clear targets you have. Of course you blame the leaders. Leaders do carry much responsibility for the direction and condition of the church. That’s why they have qualifications and directions given to them in Scripture. I have personally fired or helped fire more leaders on staff than anyone I know. I have never subscribed to the “Old Boys Club” philosophy that staff members are untouchable. Quite the contrary. I have always quoted Spock from the old Star Trek series, when he said, “The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few.” Translated in spiritual terms, “The needs of the membership outweighs the needs of any ministry staff person.”
That said, having served on staff for about 50 years, I know the challenges. I know the burdens and the feeling that you can’t please everyone, and often don’t feel like you are pleasing anyone. I will not support unspiritual staff or unspiritual leaders in any role and my track record shows that clearly. But I will also absolutely refuse to focus on the faults of any leader or group of leaders and not note, and be thankful for, their hearts and efforts to serve. I’ve been a part of a number of different church ministry staffs. I may have had my reservations about some of the leaders, but not about most. I believe that most of them loved God and loved the church and were doing the best they could with the gifts that they had. No leader has all of the gifts. All of us wish we had more than we have and could do a better job of leading than we do. I also wish I could be a better husband, father, friend, neighbor, etc. I wish I were more like Jesus. I’m trying very hard to become more like him and I will never stop trying.
We’ve been in Dallas for almost seven years. I was a part-time member of the ministry staff for the first year, but not since. I have been around many of our ministry staff members and I trust their hearts. I can’t speak with any certainty about what leaders in other places are all like. I suspect that the large majority of them are like the ones I know best. Their hearts are in the right places and they are trying to do their best for God. They are not ignorant of the fact that God expects more out of them than anyone else in the church. They know that they will one day stand in front of God to be judged. I trust that and I trust them. If I discover that they aren’t worthy of that trust, I will deal with it in the same way I always have and speak my mind. I will not be a gossip and slanderer and talk behind their backs. Doing that is the way to be the least like Jesus possible. He spoke up and he spoke out to the ones with whom he had issues. Are you imitating him or listening to Satan and being like Judas rather than Jesus?
The Most Important Focus of All
Let’s just assume that you are correct if you view the church of which you are a part as a really messed-up, broken church. What then, beyond what I’ve already addressed about focus and perspective? Christianity is much, much more about you and God than about you and the church, as important as the church is. Let me introduce you to a really messed-up, broken church – in fact one that God himself said was dead. Whoa? Yes, dead!
Revelation 3:1-5 (NASB)
“To the angel of the church in Sardis write: He who has the seven Spirits of God and the seven stars, says this: ‘I know your deeds, that you have a name that you are alive, but you are dead. 2 ‘Wake up, and strengthen the things that remain, which were about to die; for I have not found your deeds completed in the sight of My God. 3 ‘So remember what you have received and heard; and keep it, and repent. Therefore if you do not wake up, I will come like a thief, and you will not know at what hour I will come to you. 4 ‘But you have a few people in Sardis who have not soiled their garments; and they will walk with Me in white, for they are worthy. 5 ‘He who overcomes will thus be clothed in white garments; and I will not erase his name from the book of life, and I will confess his name before My Father and before His angels.
What did God do with this dead church? He called them to repent in no uncertain terms. But there were a few members who were worthy of the name of Jesus which they wore. What about them? What were they told to do? Start a new church, a small church and build it right? That sounds good, for if the good guys started it, it would be a perfect church or near perfect church, right? Our world is full of little church groups who have done exactly that – left their spiritual family, who certainly had their faults and probably plenty of them. But is that what God said to do?
What Jesus did say here is that one relationship is by far the biggest priority in Christianity – our relationship with him. All churches go through stages, ups and downs, better times and worse times. In the midst of that, I am responsible for my own personal relationship with God. The down times in churches and the down times in my own life have been historically the times when I have grown most in my personal relationship with God. On the Day of Judgment, God is not going to call us up by church group or by our physical family to give account. He is going to call us up one by one to give an account of how we have responded to him and his Son – and to the hard times in our lives.
Pulling out your victim card will not only do no good, it will make matters worse because you didn’t accept responsibility in how you handled this gift called life. There will be no one to blame besides yourself. We had better get a grip on these truths and respond accordingly. My religion and your religion are not about the church. They are bottom line about our relationship to God, but how you deal with your relationship to the church is going to be a fundamental part of how God views your relationship with him. The church is his family. It is called in Ephesians 5, “the bride of Christ.” I would suggest that you stop telling Jesus how ugly his wife is, and that begins with you ceasing to tell members who make up his collective wife the same. This is serious business. You and I are going to meet God, some of us much sooner than others.
How Did You Answer?
So how would you answer the question posed in the title of this article? Is your religion focused on Christ or the church? It had better be the former if you expect to please God and be right with him on the Day of Judgment. It is time to develop the right perspective by having the right focus. It is time to help the church change too, but through an approach that imitates Jesus. He came to minister to the sick, to effect change from within. Is your church in a bad place? Then why not be like Jesus and his apostles and try to help like they did (and still do)? Jesus was a critic for sure, but a constructive critic who identified with the sinners enough to become one of them and give his life for them. Does that describe you and me? It had better if we hope to spend eternity with him.
How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are! (1 John 3:1)
God is our Father and those of us in Christ are his specially adopted children – no truth in the Bible is more exciting! The cost of this adoption is the blood of Christ, which should humble us and fill us with a depth of gratitude that becomes our greatest motivation to serve. In fact, the fatherly love of God is what we are to imitate as we serve others in his name. Paul said it this way in Ephesians 5:1-2: “Be imitators of God, therefore, as dearly loved children and live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.” As we imitate him and live a life of love, we surely must develop his heart for his children.
How does the love of God show up in his treatment of us? Keep in mind that this is the kind of love that we are to imitate as disciples and show to the world.
Sacrificial Love
From his first contact with man until the present, God has shown himself to be a giver, not a taker. His concern is never what we can do for him, but only what he can do for us. He is absolutely selfless in his relationship to mankind. He gives and gives and gives some more. He is a Servant of servants, which explains how he can keep blessing us when we are unlovely, undeserving and unappreciative.
God does not take our sins against him personally, get his feelings hurt and pull his heart back. He keeps on giving in the hope that his kindness will once again lead us to repentance (Romans 2:4). When Jesus said that the first prerequisite for following him was sacrificial self-denial (Luke 9:23), he was only calling us to do what God has always done. Sacrifice is what God’s heart is all about – it is not something that he does, but something that he is. As you serve others, we must imitate that.
Respectful Love
God shows us respect by treating us as individuals and by expecting us to be the individuals we have been designed to be. He does not expect us to be like everyone else, but to be the best that we can be. The command to “train a child in the way he should go” (Proverbs 22:6) implies the need to understand who each person is and then help them to blossom into the plan of God for their life. Similarly, God does not try to force us into any mold that we were not made for, but patiently develops us into the mold for which we were originally designed – to be like Christ.
In essence, God shows us respect in order to help us become respectable. His approach is never to make us earn his favor by our performance, but rather, he treats us with love in order to help us grow and mature. As we work with others, we must give them what they need as an impetus to move them in the direction God has planned for them.
Resourceful Love
God uses any and every means available to help us grow into becoming like him. He has a multiplicity of circumstances and people he can call into play for our guidance, and he works everything out for our good. And our ultimate good is “to be conformed to the likeness of his Son” (Romans 8:28–29).
The greatest miracles, in my mind, are not the obvious ones in the Bible, but rather the everyday variety that are produced by God’s orchestration of so many behind-the-scenes details. To make the application to us as people helpers, we need to be getting as much (behind-the-scenes) input and help from others as possible. As Proverbs 15:22 puts it, “Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers they succeed.” We must continually be learners if we are to be effective teachers. Don’t be lazy and don’t be prideful; get help to be your best, and get the help from all available sources.
Positive Love
God’s love is positive in its expression to us. Positive reinforcement is one obvious demonstration of his kindness and gentleness. He knows exactly how to call us higher by encouraging us. It is easy to think that we help others improve by focusing on their weak points, believing that if they can just eliminate them, then they will really be great. The problem is that the other person’s self-esteem can take a beating in the process. God is full of encouragement as he generously expresses his love and commitment to us. With this approach, we can face critiques with confidence.
Protective Love
God is protective of us, choosing to expose our weaknesses in embarrassing ways only when we are stubborn and prideful. He works gently as he leads us to see ourselves and to resolve to change. Many of us can remember times in our childhood when we were embarrassed by teachers or parents in front of our peers. Such deep hurts are not easily forgotten. Thankfully, God is not that kind of parent. He deals with us gently and sensitively (Isaiah 42:3).
Determined Love
God never gives up trying to mold our characters and hearts into his own image. Gentle he may be, but sentimental he is not! The definition of discipling as “gentle pressure, relentlessly applied” finds its highest application in God’s approach with us. He never gives up and he never gives in. His attention to discipling is constant, for he always wants the best for his children. He perseveres with us far beyond what we can imagine. Just think of the story of the runaway son in Luke 15. No matter how long the rebellious son had been gone, the father in the story (representing God) never ceased to gaze at the horizon for any sign of his son’s return. When he caught a glimpse of him at a great distance, he literally ran to his son, eagerly accepted his repentance, and then quickly arranged a celebration party of grand proportions. God is determined to save us and determined to help us become the best we can be. How quickly and easily we can be tempted to give up on others. How unlike God we are when we do.
As we look at these amazing qualities of God as our Father, let’s determine to imitate them as fully as possible. He wants to express his love to others through us. Pray that others will feel his love through your love for them. Love like God loves, and both you and those around you will be filled with inexpressible joy. The love of God is the love of a perfect Parent. Embrace it for yourself, and then share it with others.
